Sunday, June 14, 2009

We live in grave times...

The time... of the douchey hat. They are ubiquitous. You can't escape them. They need you to notice them- they yearn to stand out and distinguish themselves as evidence that their wearer is a huge douche. Leopard print cowboy hats with rolled-up brims, pink Red Sox hats, cheap pork pie hats and fedoras from the Gap, faux-distressed trucker hats, flat-brimmed baseball caps... must I go on?

Yes, I must. Indiana Jones hats? Have they replaced Mazda Miatas as the new mid-life crisis accessory? It's cheaper, I suppose... But if you wear one- you don't look like Harrison Ford. You just look like a douche.

Why doesn't the Italian straw skimmer hat make a comeback? Who has the balls to wear that one? Someone has to bring back the barber shop quartet along with it. It's a dying art. Someone under 80 has to save it! Boyz II Men were waaay ahead of their time.

We also live in a time of the douchey jean pant. Perhaps not so much as a few years ago, but the presence of the intentionally ripped and creased jean with various bedazzlements are still pretty common.

Personally, I'm waiting for the rainbow light-up disco visor to make a comeback. I had one when I was a kid, and I can't wait to get back on the douchey hat bandwagon. See above.


advochasty said...

You must be serious fun to ride the subway with - willy nilly handing out style citations and fashion felonies. :-)

IMO, a hat is a tough thing for a guy to pull off. It mostly wears the man. I see so many that fail miserably. However, good fedoras are wonderful things. I have a nice little collection of Borsalinos as well as a natty snap brim porkpie. Part of my winter suit guy costume.

I also own a few summer straws, including an inexpensive Monte Cristo. The good ones, which go for a month's rent on a nice Manhattan apartment, will roll up into a little tube and then pop back out perfectly shaped.

I don't own a boater. I want to. I want to wear it with my bow ties. But I'm a terrible alto. Add some spectator shoes and a seersucker suit and you have ...


roch said...

Flat brimmed baseball hats...i hate

What hats aren't douchy?


Mistress Veronica NYC said...

Hilair, Advo. I had no idea you were such a hat enthusiast.

I am by no stretch of the imagination a fashion plate, nor do I spend time making fun of other's fashion decisions. I have other more interesting things to think about (I think), and frankly, don't care what people around me look like. However, I do think that you can make certain "calls" about douchiness, or lack thereof, based on headgear. On the whole, if you're going to wear a hat, it needs to be a really, really nice one in order not to be douchey. I also make allowances for people who've worn the same hat over and over so much that it's now part of their personality. Also, people over 65 can wear whatever they want.

Speaking of, I was in Penn Station last night and saw a really, really old dude wearing an English Bobby helmet. It was weird, but strangely endearing at the same time. It proves that old people can wear anything they want and still not be douchey.


See above.

advochasty said...

Now what about women in hats?

Something in fine bowler perhaps a la Sally Bowles or Lena Olin in "Unbearable Lightness of Being"?

Don't even get me started on the erotic virtues of a pillbox with a veil.

Even a nice bergère, properly accessorized of course, would likely float my boat.

Yes, indeed! I am a hat guy.

Mistress Veronica NYC said...

You totally turned my post about how douchey hats are into a treatise on the virtues of the hat! I shake my fist at you!

But you're totally right. A bowler on a woman is totally sexy, especially if she is not wearing much else. I also really like top hats on women, a la Marlene Dietrich. Generally, I suppose men's hats on women can work pretty well, especially if the lady has the style to pull it off. I used to have an old Irish patchwork ragamuffin cap that I loved. I lost it in a fetish club of all places.

advochasty said...

Ooooo ... you, in a ragamuffin cap, wearing not much of anything else?

Not so douchy, eh?

Am I tophatting from the bottom?

Mistress Veronica NYC said...

I didn't say that, you scamp!

The Hermit said...

Come to think of it, I've felt douchy in just about every hat I've ever worn.

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