Saturday, October 24, 2009

Fuzzy kittens and rainbows...














I know I haven't written in a while... but get over it. I have too many things to write about, and make a bunch of different drafts, but can't bring myself to sit down and focus enough to edit them. Oh well, your loss. So don't get all whiny because this piece sort of goes all over the place.

Anyway.

I am often struck by how BDSM seems to have a therapeutic effect on people. Sometimes it's obvious in session, sometimes more so afterward. Fewer things are more satisfying than making someone cry- either from pain or words. Not because, oooh, I'm such a heartless sadist, arrrgh! (or pirate?) but because there is a catharsis that occurs. It's a cleansing of sorts. At the risk of sounding namby-pamby- men need to cry more. I have one client who tells me that he can't, but only comes close when he comes to see me. This gives me pause, but also a sense that even though there is no scientific evidence to back this up, there exists profound experiential proof that BDSM is beneficial. You can't tell me otherwise when I have a grown man thanking me profusely as he wakes out of subspace. On repeated occasion with many different people.

BDSM is theater. Not to say it's fake (quite the opposite), but it is a stage for people to act out the deepest innerworkings of their minds (god, that phrase is overused, but fuck it). It's a forum for someone to be exactly who they are. Without judgement. (Or with! Depending...)

It pisses me off that there is no scientific data which even explores the possibility that BDSM could be positive. It is simply shelved away in the DSM IV, a collection of activities which fall under Paraphilia. Philosophy and fiction describe it, theorize about it, but still there is no one who has said, "This is exhilarating. This reduces stress. This makes people feel sane again. Look at this, this, and this data." However, most of us who have been mucking around BDSM for awhile know it's pretty terrific, no? Most versions of it, anyway.

Most likely the result of puritanical religious attitudes (endorsed and validated by the scientific community), BDSM is conventionally seen as "dark" or "disturbing". Which is really an impediment to being open and frank. And if we can't be open and frank, how do we expect to be understood? It is a catch-22. I have made the analogy before on this blog, that we are about in the same place that the gay movement was in, I'd say, roughly about 20 years ago.

Look, I know I'm preaching to the choir here. But I just feel like this doesn't get talked about enough.


That being said, I got to use an electrified knife on one of Wynter's subjects last week. He said it felt as if he was being castrated... ha ha! I have too much fun.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Kibbles N Bits


















So, I was at a fetish party the other night. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. My friend John pointed out a girl dressed like Marilyn Monroe from The Seven Year Itch. She was gorgeous. I said, "You want me to go up to her?" He is shy, and probably would not have done it himself, I knew. I asked if she needed a drink. We sat, we talked... Then we got on the topic of her relationship- she's with a FTM (she never thought she'd like pussy!) We talked about "plumbing"(genitalia)- is that what people are attracted to? Or is it more about masculinity vs. femininity? Or perhaps even more toward topping or bottoming? I marveled at how convincing she looked, how beautiful she was. She glowed. She stood out. She seemed to be very young. And would only drink soda water.

She pointed to her friend (who was suspending someone with rope in the corner) who's a post-op, and was thinking about getting her operation as well. She's been taking hormones for 2 1/2 years. I say, "Aren't you afraid that you won't feel the same? You won't be able to have an orgasm again." She said the surgeries have gotten much more sophisticated. You can now. I was impressed. And happy that if someone wanted to make that conversion, they could without losing feeling.

I went back to John. "She's beautiful, isn't she? " I say.

"Yeah, stunning, " he says.

"She's a dude. Well, not really a dude, but she has a dick."

His eyes widened, then he looked disappointed. "Why does it matter?" I say. He turned to me and said, "It's all just kibbles and bits to you, isn't it?" I said, "Yeah. Maybe. What's wrong?"

I got so engrossed in this concept, I started bringing it up in practically every conversation I had that night. I even got into a discussion with some German dude outside, smoking a cigarette. He said, "I am heterosexual man." But what? You're just attracted to a part? A piece of someone's body? All he could say is that he's straight, he's straight. Great. Obviously he thought this out.

I went back inside. "Marilyn" asked me to find her a male Dom. (Huh? Okay, yeah, I don't exactly exude masculinity- unless I'm doing a prison scene, heh) Will John beat her? No, I say, John is submissive (you're welcome, John). I tapped one of the Doms I know were there to hit someone, no matter what the sex, and watched him (very skillfully) flog her. It was a joy to watch. She squealed. Her dress flew up. He whipped her "pussy" and it looked like she was standing over a subway vent, a la her muse.

I watched her, thinking how brave she is, and how difficult it must be to feel like there are parts of your body you don't need or that feel alien to you. Although it begs an interesting contradiction- if "bits" don't matter, why do some people feel they have to change theirs? Why- to feel more like a woman, must one acquire (or lose) plumbing? Is it because they feel societal pressure to conform to one sex? Or is it the result of some genetic predisposition to want another sex? Why does it matter anyway? Why do people care about what certain people do to their bodies? Why is modifying one's sex so controversial? Because it's taboo? Well then, shouldn't that make it sexy? (according to Bataille- see a previous post with comments)

I find it ironic that many of us in the kinky community whine about being accepted, and how our sexuality is different, but no less valid than anyone else's, etc. But when someone from another alternative group shows up and wants to participate, we freak the fuck out. Or else, are not interested in deviating from our deviance. Is that not the same exact thing that we blame vanilla people of doing? Being prudish? Having a lack of imagination?





xoxo.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Some things that are always funny, no matter how many times I see or hear them...

Note that "Crystal Shit", is the Doors coverband that they are going to go see... I know they made a proper music video to the song, if anyone can find it, please email it or post it here!








It's funnier when you know that Denis Leary did his smoking bit a few years afterward. Recognize the phrase, "Whining fucking maggots?" Um, yeah.



Clearly, I am regressing into adolescence with this one, but if you've never laughed at this... I just don't know what to say to you.




This is just ridiculous...



If anyone knows the name of the sketch where Graham Chapman wears a Senorita dress while riding a tricycle, then blows into a paper bag and smashes it, please tell me!! I think when he does that, confetti comes raining down. It's called Spanish Game Show or something.



xoxo.
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