Saturday, August 30, 2008

Maybe You're Not A Supafreak?

Bondage lovers not abnormal: sex study




An unusual sex survey has found that Australians who enjoy bondage and discipline are not damaged or dangerous, and might even be happier than those who practise "normal" sex.


The research showed two per cent of adult Australians regularly partake in sadomasochism and dominance and submission-type sexual role play.

And contrary to commonly-held stereotypes, they are not doing so in reaction to sexual abuse or because they are "sexually deficient" in some way, according the study of 20,000 Australians by public health researchers at the University of NSW.

"Our findings support the idea that bondage and discipline and sadomasochism (BDSM) is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority," Associate Professor Juliet Richters and her colleagues wrote in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

The findings showed that it was more common among gay, lesbian and bisexual people, and that participants were more likely to have been more sexually adventurous in other ways.

"However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious," said Prof Richters, author of the book Doing It Down Under.

In fact, men who take part may be happier, with results showing they score significantly lower on a scale of psychological distress than other men.

The researchers did not study why this was, but suspect it might simply be that they're more in harmony with themselves because they're into something unusual and are comfortable with that.

Prof Richters says the findings go against professional views of BDSM.

"People with these sexual interests have long been seen by medicine and the law as, at best, damaged and in need of therapy and, at worst, dangerous and in need of legal regulation," she said.

There was also an assumption, mostly among the general public, that people involved in BDSM were sexually deficient in some way, "and need particularly strong stimuli such as being beaten or tied up to become aroused".

She said she hoped the results would help change these stereotypes.

© 2008 AAP

This article was found as a link from Mistress Wynter's Max Fisch Forum to "The Sydney Morning Herald", dated August 25th/2008 07:00:00 PM.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Dedicated to Kerry in Chicago...













Thanks a lot, Kerry, for my new shoes. They are sure to make me look really fancy next time I go out. In honor of your contribution to my collection of swanky accessories, I am dedicating this song to you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA

 

Monday, August 25, 2008

Randomness...

I am done with parties. Again, I went to a party last night, and wondered why I was there. All the male doms think you want to fuck them, and walk around like peacocks, thinking they are the awesomest players in the world. Ugh. I just hate seeing women let these dickbags hit them. It's just like- you're gonna let THAT dude touch you? The blatant unabashed exhibitionism (whether you know what you're doing or not), slave girls doing their "oooh! ahhh!" writhing against a cross as some dude with a mullet rubs her bottom and tells her she can take more (it wasn't even a normal mullet, it was the kind where the whole sides of the head are shaved, except for the top, which is really long. I don't know what that's called, but it's a bad look, and if you don't think so, I suggest trying to find your way out of 1992). Oh! And everyone in their goth uniforms. A dom actually came up to me and said he wanted to see me in latex next time. I was like, fuck you, buddy! There ain't gonna be a next time- and that's your loss. This coming from someone who dresses up like a gladiator on the weekends and pretends to sword fight. I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a dress code for watching fat, badly dressed people who would otherwise be at home playing World of Warcraft hit each other. I really have nothing against fat people. That was mean. But I do have something against people who think they're vampires. Or werewolves. I don't know which one is worse. I'm sorry, but if you're over 40 and you have a custom-made pair of porcelain vampire teeth in your mouth and wear top hats with no shirt on, it might be time to start thinking therapy is an option. Or that you suck. Either one will suffice.

These people are not even the worst part, if you think about it. You also have the people who are there for "promotional purposes". Ex: this one tiny dude brought a bunch of really tall women who obviously were models or strippers to take pictures of them for his website or for his own jack-off material, who knows. They all walked around with their shitty floggers that they bought at Fantasy World, and let all the men watch as they pinched each other's nipples. Then there are people who supposedly are dommes, but show up to make connections- which I really can't lambast too much- but sometimes it is obvious that they are not interested in the scene at all, and walk around glad-handing people until they get tired and go home to their vanilla life.

There are maybe a handful of people who I'm glad to see, who I think could actually teach me something at these parties. Also, my friends seem to enjoy going (I'm not sure why). That alone should be worth it, but now I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth the hassle. I get all dolled up, spend a hundred dollars on I don't know what, and then come home more than a little dissatisfied or, like this time, pissed off. And I'm not even menstruating!

I guess I'm just tired of everyone reveling in being so damned cliched.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Stuff I hate...

1) Hipsters who wear fedoras. Once upon a time, this was a hat that I really enjoyed seeing on men. It's classic and sharp, not to mention that one of my ex-boyfriends had a vintage one that made me want to fuck him like crazy every time he wore it. However, it's been so co-opted by hipsters now that the mere sight of one makes me want to rip it off their heads and stomp on it.

2) That voicemail lady who makes you wait to leave your message when you're really excited to leave your friends something that's going to make them crack up. But the lady just keeps fucking talking!! I don't care that I can press 5 to page them! Who ever does that anyway?! Shut up!

3) Gentrification. I'm white, so I contribute to it automatically by breathing, but still, I hate it. Especially during the summer, when there are a bunch of dumbassed tourists on the subway. And especially when I have to walk near Times Square. And also when I walk through my neighborhood past hipsters with fedoras. Okay, I pretty much hate it constantly.

4) Pink polo shirts. I just can't convey this enough. They're worse than gentrification by like, eons. If any pain sluts out there want me to really beat you with every ounce of passion and force that I've got, then I would suggest wearing a pink polo shirt and a fedora to session.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm In Love With A Stripper!

Okay, maybe that's a little hyperbolic, but I think I understand now why certain men love strip joints. Before actually even having gone to one, I thought it would be a place where I would feel uncomfortable, trying to discern exactly whether each and every girl was happy, exploited, or somewhere in between. And to be honest, I sort of did do that to a certain degree last weekend. I suppose it depends on what strip club you go to, but I patronized a pretty representative random sample, which were (in ascending order according to prices): The Pussycat Lounge, NYC Dolls, and The Hustler Club. The price to service ratio is pretty much what you would expect- the more expensive things got, the nicer the venue, and the closer the women resembled a mainstream ideal of beauty. But then, most of you have probably been to strip clubs, so that's no surprise.

The Pussycat Lounge is a dive, but I have friends who work there, so was hoping to maybe see one of them. We paid ten bucks to get in, and sat ourselves down in front of a woman with a terrific ass. The women do not come close to you at this club, but dance on a stage behind the bar. They have to compete with the ubiquitous televisions, not to mention they don't have a pole. There is something disheartening about being in a place where people seem disinterested even by the sight of a half-naked woman. I gave the girl with the ass some money, which made her smile, but I didn't spot any of my friends, and can watch the Mets lose for free at home, so we moved on to...

NYC Dolls. I didn't have my glasses on when I walked in, so all I could see was a sea of writhing bodies, which I mistook as a giant orgy. Readjusting, I saw that it was simply a sea of women giving lap dances, which I had never seen before in the flesh. A blonde Russian woman came up to me, so I agreed to take a dance. She was like, "Open your legs!", so I did, and she did her thing for me, which seemed a little mechanical, but was still fun. It was my first dance ever, and I couldn't wipe the shit-eating grin off my face, so I would say she earned her keep. It was fun there, and they serve strong drinks, but ultimately, what got to me were the annoying patrons- one of whom almost sat right on my purse in his drunken idiocy.

After sitting in the Hustler Club for a damned half hour, waiting for a woman to come up to me (having done everything short of waving cash at them) I finally caught the attention of an older stripper (who was gorgeous) calling herself "Tiffany". I shouted at her, "Can I give you some money?" You can't really ignore a proposition like that, so she gave me a few lap dances. I didn't really want three of them, but she was nice and I would take anything at that point. I asked her why none of the girls would come up to us (me and my male friend), and she said that a lot of couples on first dates come there, and the men are usually reluctant to spend a lot of cash. Oh, and also, the women tend to get jealous and upset. This floored me. First of all, that first dates in a strip club are that common, and second of all, that you would agree to go to a strip club and then proceed to get jealous. I had an inkling that a woman who was not "working" could throw off the vibe, but now I knew why (or part of the reason why). She told me not to be shy, to go up to the girl who I wanted a lap dance from, and ask her.

I have to say, all in all, the whole experience is terrifically boring *UNTIL* you find a woman who will come up to you who genuinely seems like she wants to fuck you. Now, I'm not a sucker. At least, I flatter myself that I'm not. I know these girls are trying to make money (the "hustler" in Hustler Club, I assure you, is not referring to the men). But the "art" of stripping is not in how someone looks, or even necessarily how they dance. It's something else. So- after "Tiffany", doing some seat-adjusting, getting another drink, and staring at the woman on stage... I spotted a girl at the foot of it who went right up and kissed her, waving dollar bills and cheering her on. I was like, wow, she's hot, and before I knew it, she was standing above me, between my legs. And then, before I knew it, she was asking me where I'm from, and I was giving her money, and she was grinding on me- not in an "I'm just doing my job" sort of way- but in an engaged, focused way that made me feel kinda funny (in a Wayne's World sort of way). Now, I'm not a lonely person, I'm not looking to talk to a pretty girl (a la The Tubes), in general, I'm indifferent to women's bodies- but now I finally understand. She was touching me, grinding on me, whispering in my ear and almost kissing me, but then she did kinda kiss me, but then she was flipping her hair, and then she touched my breasts... I don't know how many dances there were, but my friend tapped my hand, waking me out of my stupor. We left the club (before I spent more of his dwindling wad of cash) and I floated down the street, grasping his hand, staring wistfully up at the sky. I was like, "Does she like me? Don't you think she really wanted to fuck me?" He shook his head, smiling, "Maybe, sure." But really, she totally did.

Whatever notions I had about these women having little agency or control have completely dissipated. Does the club probably take a larger cut than they should? Yes. Are all of the girls there because it's an empowering environment and they love doing it? Probably not. But regardless, the women do have a lot of power. It was like watching a bunch of Dommes sessioning in the same room, engaged with different clients. I was a client. And it was great.


xoxo.

Also- I need to give a shout out to Jack for giving me tickets to the Stooges concert last weekend. It was the perfect beginning to an awesome vacation.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Why is the world totally in love with tranny porn?

Every time I go to a porn store there is like a huge wall of it! Obviously, the porn industry is an industry of supply and demand, so this is saying something about the demand. But seriously, what is going on? It can't simply be for the novelty value.

Is it a way of watching cock-on-cock action with out admitting you are watching gay porn? Are some men so conflicted about how they feel about cock (because let's face it, it's not chicks buying this stuff), that they need it with a gender-identified woman to make it okay? This is a similar issue many men have who like "forced bi" scenarios. They need the context of being "forced" into it, so that they can separate themselves from having to confront the possibility that they might not be all that straight. Because hey, if there's a woman in the room who is forcing you to do it for her own enjoyment, then you're not really gay, right? But you asked for it, but in the context of the role play, she is making you, but you originally asked for it, but, but...!!! (Unless your mistress really does force you to do it and you don't ask- that's different)

Isn't it possible that you can love cock and want to watch it explode bucketloads of cum all over an ass, and not be G-A-Y? Gayness is a culture, and I don't think wanting a big fatty in your mouth qualifies you to belong to that culture. For instance, a client will ask me, "Does this make me gay?" I'm just like, "I don't know, does it?" Ultimately, you make that decision for yourself, and no one can make it for you. Why does it always have to be a black or white question anyway? Who even cares if you're gay or not? Isn't it just an umbrella term anyway? Sexuality is so multi-faceted, what is the use in trying to compartmentalize everything? How about, "I love women, but I also love cock." There should be a name for that, because it's ubiquitous, and perhaps isolating not to know that one could identify as such. Perhaps that is the real reason why tranny porn is so popular. There are many men who want femininity and also the added bonus of a long, luscious cock. One of my girlfriends who dates a FTM transgender person, said that she likes Him because you get the masculinity without the cock (and the asshole-ishness, but that's beside the point). Could it be possible that people who love trannies are simply the inverse of that?

In theory, I should find tranny porn pretty hot. However, when I watch it, I always find myself trying to look for the person (or the man) underneath the makeup. I'm not sure why I do that, but inevitably, whenever I can see traces of the biological man peeping through (whether in the thickness of his neck, his jawline, the defined muscularity of his physique) I can't get turned on by it. This is nothing against trannies, but possibly my own curiosity about the whole pathos behind gender transformation. This, of course, says more about my own preconceived notions about that "pathos"- whether it even exists- but I can't help projecting an internal struggle onto them, and perhaps that prevents me from being able to objectify them, and hence, jerk off. I watched some vanilla porn the other day, where a biological girl was sucking cock. It didn't do much for me either, perhaps for similar reasons. Or maybe because vanilla stuff is boring as hell.

I would like to hear from people who love tranny porn. Do you simply find trannies aesthetically pleasing? What other theories do people have? What literature has been written on it, if any?

Also, check out this article by Tristan Taormino in the Voice, which is quite relevant:

http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-07-29/columns/straight-men-who-have-sex-with-men/2

xoxo.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Stuff I Like...

If you are one of my clients, or are planning to session with me, here is a list of things I like, one or more of which you may bring me to brighten my day (and hence, your session).

Dark Chocolate- 65% cocoa or more. Lindt, Chocolove- well, basically any brands other than Hershey or Cadbury. Any European chocolate excites me as well. I don't like fruit, although I do love nuts, especially Hazelnuts.

Poland Spring Sparkling Water- raspberry lime or mandarin orange flavors.

Coffee- a good cup of coffee from a coffee shop, not from the diner across the street. It doesn't have to be fancy, but in order for me to be happy, it should be fresh and light, with no sugar.

Stockings- I don't like expensive brands. I know I'm supposed to tell you to bring me stuff from Agent Provocateur, but I don't care. If you can feel the difference between some L'eggs and a pair of $75 stockings from there, then I guess you get a big round of applause. I once had a stocking "connoisseur" ask me what (fantastic!) brand of stocking I wore- he was surprised to find that they cost $5.95. So, why waste the cash? They're just going to rip anyway. I take Queen-sized, as I am 5'11'' barefoot.

If this list is not enough and you want to get me something that will make me jump up and down, email to see what I am eyeing this week.


xoxo.
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