Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hmmm... No Wonder!

Yeah, so, um, look at these pictures and tell me you are surprised that I do what I do. They are pages from a Wonder Woman book and record set I used to have when I was a little kid. Book and record sets were read-a-long comic books where you listened to what the characters were saying as you read. I absolutely adored this comic- it's voluptuously drawn, brightly colored, the stories are engaging, and it is framed by an abstract splash of panels that are so dynamic in their organization- it forces your eyes to dart hungrily from corner to corner. Their aesthetic is not what really impressed me though, it's the fact that they are ALL about women dominating men. Let me explain: There are two stories, the first called, "Wonder Woman vs. The War God", in which she fights Mars, on planet Mars (lol!) and wins, as the power of peace and love will always prevail over evil. Okay, kind of cliche, but I was only 8. But my favorite story in the book was, "Amazons from Space" in which female aliens invade Earth, having invented a virus that has rendered all the men of their planet completely submissive (!!!). Suffice to say, I read this story over and over again, drinking up each page, puzzling over some of the larger words, lusting after the seven foot tall Queen of the Psi-Women, Llyra (are her clothes painted on?)... and to top it off, she and Wonder Woman get into a no-holds bitch-slap fest, ending with Llyra prostrate on the ground (her ass high in the air), warning Wonder Woman that no one has ever dared touch her in such a fashion- so beware! It's an unbelievably sexy fucking comic, and gave me funny stirrings which I re-live in a way every time I open it.

It never dawned on me until now what sort of impression it must have had on my childhood fantasies, which of course are connected to larger adult sexual fantasies sometimes. I know a lot of men have had the same experience with Cat Woman (RIP, Eartha Kitt) but never thought until now how powerful these images can be. Would it be wrong for me to masturbate to this now??? Because it's right next to me, and... LOL!

For the whole book, neatly scanned and (if you're reeeeeally bored) a downloadable audio clip click here:


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Love, Laughter, and Truth

Today is the birthday of Bill Hicks- a comedian who died at the age of 32 from pancreatic cancer in 1994. Little-known except in England, he was an American from Texas, who started doing stand-up comedy when he was only 14. He gained notoriety in his hometown, as he dominated grown-up comedy clubs- even surpassing comedians who were twice his age. He then moved on to LA to pursue his career in a more serious fashion, but although gaining the respect of Rodney Dangerfield, Jay Leno, and others, did not achieve the level of popularity he hoped for. This may have been partially because he was much more of a social critic than a straight-up funny guy crowd pleaser. In fact, his aim was not to please at all, but rather to challenge people by pontificating on the hypocrisies of political institutions, religion, and the media. His style of comedy was marked by an innate sense that tragedy was in fact quite funny. Not everyone can appreciate that.

He fucking told the truth. And the truth is hilarious. And painful. And tragic. Few comedians can really turn tragedy into comedy, but Hicks did it effortlessly. People admire George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, and Richard Pryor (all wonderful socio-political philosophers in their own right) in the same way, but I contend that none of them really took on issues of the day in quite the essential and holistic way Hicks did. Hicks' comedy is still relevant, 15 years after he died... A rare thing indeed. I've left a few quotes for you, just a taste of his brilliance.

On existence:

Life is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think its real because thats how powerfull our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills, and its very brightly coloured , and its very loud and its fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question - is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us. They say, 'Hey! Dont worry, dont be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride.'

On drugs and consciousness:

"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."

I would like to say a few words on Dennis Leary and the controversy surrounding his act. It is clear that Leary knew about Hick's smoking bits, and had been to his shows. And, as it is common among comedians to borrow each other's material- it is an established fact that Leary stole Hick's act and even his persona outright. There are plenty of examples to watch on youtube, so you can make your own assessment. When asked about Leary by an interviewer, his response was only this, "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

This is one of his classic acts:

Hicks at Dangerfield's

I just really love him, and his comedy has given me much joy- so I wanted to pass it on.


Friday, November 28, 2008

Stop calling me if you're not serious.

I'm serious. If there is any doubt in your mind that you cannot show up, don't effing call me.

When you set an appointment with me, I get dressed up and make sure that I am prepared. I make phone calls to procure a space. I think about what the session will look like, and how it will progress. I get amped up about beating the crap out of you... and then you don't show up?! You don't even call? Come on, now.

I know times are tough. I also know that sometimes shit happens and your schedule will not allow you to come to town. However, YOUR TIME IS NOT MORE VALUABLE THAN MINE. If you know you cannot see me in person, but want to, just tell me. We can work something out. I am flexible and accommodating like that. Really, I am. We can have a phone session. We can negotiate.

All I ask is that you remind yourself that I am a person, with obligations and responsibilities- just like you. I should not even feel the need to express this. It should be understood, but apparently, some minds need to be refreshed.


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Late Halloween post...

Ha ha, no, your eyes are not deceiving you... I was a cop, and my slave was a Domme "caught in the act" as it were, flogger in hand. Naughty girl! We went to sMACK which, truthfully, kinda blew donkey. Plenty of performances for people to jack off to, but... no kink! Seriously, the one performance I could watch (because we waited on line for an hour to get in) was just a guy in a lab coat and a girl fake-fucking for about twenty minutes. Now, I like watching sex, don't get me wrong. But if I want to watch people dry-humping I can go to strip club. I thought I was at a fetish party, which means I get to see people get beat, or tied up, or suspended, or something!? There was, however, a good impromptu flogging on the cross next to me, between a husband and wife.

The other incident of note was when we were standing on line at the Papaya Dog, waiting for some 3am hot dogs. I heard some guy behind me say, "I soooo want to stick my tongue in your ass." I turned around and said, "What? What did you say??!" He looked at me wide-eyed, like he couldn't believe he'd actually said what he was thinking. I gave him a prompt lecture (read: I got up and yelled in his face) telling him he should never EVER speak to a woman that way, and who did he think he was, and his mother obviously failed as a parent, etc. And then I slapped the fruity little earring right out of his ear. Then, my slave tried to get involved (looking really tough in a wig and a dress), and tried to start a fight in order to defend my honor. There was something about "step over my guitar if you want to fight" which, if you ask me, is an indication that you all BUT want to get in an actual fight... suffice to say, it all ended happily, as the people around us heckled the chunky little "rocker" (he was dressed like the lead singer of Loverboy, and the guitar was from Guitar Hero) and he apologized profusely.

After that, I went to a really boring party where everyone but me and my friends seemed to be on Exstacy. Someone tried to touch me, and I left.

Not a super awesome Halloween, but eventful nonetheless.

I was really happy that my sissy friend made it out for the first time in his full glory, which I wish I had a picture of... I am very proud of you, my dear.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

ODing on mediocrity...

Taking the Chinatown Bus to Boston is an interesting experience. Well, it is and it isn't. Inevitably, they always take you through Connecticut (for 3 hours!), and stop at McDonald's. Ugh. To relieve myself of some of the doldrums, I usually make sure
I have a lot of gossip magazines and crosswords, but sometimes find myself staring out the window. I always kind of hate driving through Connecticut, and only had a vague feeling of why until now.

Connecticut, I have something to tell you. Sit down, let's talk. Um... everyone hates you. Everyone in New England hates you, even states outside of your region hate you- New York included. You're boring. And you kinda suck. I mean, it's always gray, there's mile after mile of fakey-old colonial type colorless blocky houses. You have no flair, no personality, and no spice. It's like looking out the window at an economics text book, or tax forms or something. Oh, and you want to know the worst part? You don't even have your own baseball team. In fact, you can't even decide whether you're Red Sox fans or Yankee fans. So, on top of being boring, you're also a flake. I mean, even people from Massachusetts think you're white bred. Now that's bad.

But no, for real the worst part is that you put all these companies along the highway, like you're showcasing the fact that you're the home of nefariously named corporations like: New Technology Systems, The Regional Companies, Inc., Preferred Mfg. (manufacturing what??), and JC Penney Logistics. What sort of logic, exactly, does JC Penney need to employ? What are they actually doing there, I wonder, that JC Penney has a stake in? Soooo nefarious! And Gerber Laboratories? What kind of genetically modified baby poison are they concocting in that place? Seriously, Connecticut, if you want other states to like you, you might want to tamp down the evil corporation loving a bit. The only redeemable corporation name that I found was Assa Abloy. But what the fuck does that mean? (I could Google it, but I'm not. I'm so tired of googling things! Maybe I don't need to know everything instantly all the time. Maybe I like to be ignorant of some things.)

I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, Connecticut, maybe there is a you beyond the highway. Maybe there is a vital, bustling part of you that I just haven't seen. But I doubt it.

If I didn't have to ride through you for 3 hours on occasion, maybe I wouldn't resent you so much. Maybe if I could ignore you, I wouldn't feel the need to write about you.

Please, if anyone from Connecticut is reading this, give it a reason to exist!


Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I am not usually an obnoxious drunk, and in fact, take some pride in the fact that I know how to drink, so do not act the fool as soon as I have a glass of wine. I bartended for awhile, so know how fucking annoying it is to watch people who don't realize what tremendous idiots they're being. I don't usually do it, I promise.

But damn if I wasn't a shit-faced fratboy last night.

It wasn't because of the election, I didn't plan on it happening, I wanted to watch the results in a cogent state with some friends. I did! I really did!

I think the last time I got this drunk was when I passed out and tried to piss in the refrigerator. That was like 4 years ago.

So, I just wanted to apologize to everyone who was there who's ass I tried to grab. Especially Russ, I'm sorry. I think I grabbed your junk too.

Apparently, I also stole someone's juke box credits in order to play Stevie Wonder. Someone told me that the girl who's credits I stole came up to me and we "talked". Hey, if you put credits in the juke box and then walk away, what do you expect? So- I'm not sorry about that. I also did something that made it difficult for them to shut off the juke box when Obama was making his victory speech. I also vaguely remember yelling at the television, telling McCain to shut up, or capitulate, or some such business.

Sorry to Sean, for calling you an "ass fiend" when you asked me if I got home alright. I don't know where that came from, but now we have a new phrase to throw about. Also, you took it very graciously.

I also called my parents and taunted them at 1 in the morning for voting for McCain. My mother picked up and asked me to taunt when they were awake.

I can't tell you in what state I awoke today, but it baffled me for like 5 minutes.

I am devoting today to recovering and swearing off vodka.

It's really nice to hear people honking their horns outside because they're happy, not because they're disgruntled. Walking around this afternoon, there is something lighter and happier in the air. Fireworks were going off behind my house last night. There was an impromptu city-wide Mardi Gras in the streets. People smile when they walk past you. I don't think that Obama is going to make a miracle happen, but it is nice to be amidst the exuberance of those who do. It's nice to feel like an era of staunch conservativism is coming to an end.


Friday, October 31, 2008

Outsider art...

Those of you who know me, know that I am pretty enthusiastic about street art, or what is becoming known as "Outsider Art". This new label is sort of a contradiction, as by becoming a "kind" of art, implies that it is being recognized by the art world. A world, which many street artists by their actions used to eschew, just by virtue of creating art that cannot be bought. This is one of the reasons why I love this art so much- because it calls into question concepts of ownership, and value. This has always made it seem more pure to me than gallery art. However, now that these artists are becoming valued, their positions in regards to ownership have become much more complicated, and in a sense, I feel betrayed (dramatic, I know). On the other hand, I am happy for any artist who can make a living doing what they love, so this complicates things for me, whereas my love has turned into "love/hate/I understand, but can't endorse". This has led me to start to really look at those who are not part of this elite group of up and comers. One person in particular is really exceptional, I feel, and I wanted to show you some of his stuff I've bought, which is pictured above. He draws only in crayon and marker, and usually sits in the 8th avenue stop on the L train. I think he is homeless, and is confined to a wheelchair, constantly hunched over his drawings. Most of the subject matter is alien stuff, but the colors and dynamism of all of it is really stunning. He only charges $20 for a piece, so I try to get one every time I see him. He signs all of his stuff as Joseph. It really makes me happy when I see him and all of his stuff on display.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Will Max Fisch be rendered obsolete? And other stuff...

I recently joined Fetlife, which is a sort of Facebook for kinky people. It's a terrific resource for kinksters, as practically every fetish/kink is represented, and represented well. If you like to wear cat ears while licking flip-flops on a bridge at midnight, there is going to be someone else on there who will be able to relate to that. Some of the discussions that occur on there are really effing enlightened and engaged too. It is more neatly organized than Max as well, as you may join a group that is specific to your interests, and there seems to be very little "trolling" (but, the site is new, so just give it time)

One thing that I've found is really terrific is that people are really into wanting to explore the psychology behind various kinks, and to create a space that is very open for people to feel like they are not "sick" or weird. I don't know if it's going to change the world of psychology, but it is really reassuring to read articulate reasons why people like certain things, and to have it done in a supportive environment, free of judgment or stigma.

This is especially important for those of us that have fantasies or want to explore fantasies that others think MUST be related to some sort of abuse. This site does much to explore the possibility that the explanation is not that simple, but if in some cases it is, I say SO WHAT??

Telling someone they have "issues" because they like a certain thing that is unusually taboo is pretty much blaming them if any abuse did actually occur (whether the person is aware of it or not). But even if it didn't- why are you going to disparage someone for wanting to explore some fantasy that they have that doesn't hurt anyone? By not being open to it, you in effect help them to feel even more guilty or dirty, for allowing these feelings to come to light.

Some thoughts on this:

First of all, it takes an incredible amount of courage to even tell anyone what you like, even your closest companion.

Second of all, why would you disparage someone for finding the courage to tell you something they know you will find a bit disturbing, but perhaps weighs on their mind?

Thirdly, this fantasy and acting it out might actually help the person to heal if they were a victim, or it might actually provide some other sort of comfort that they otherwise would not get, or have not gotten. For instance, liking incest fantasies might be bourne out of someone needing that daddy/little girl dynamic in order to feel a very specific type of nurturance.

Fourthly, why would you not want to provide a service for someone you love who needs it? Why would you approach it from a position of judgment instead of understanding?

Not everyone is a victim of a certain act. Some people are victims of neglect, or lack of action. Why not experiment with what you need to, in order to deal with abuse/lack of attention/etc?

Questions, questions...

Well, I just think that Fetlife is really great. Everyone should join.


Thursday, October 23, 2008




I am filming again with Mistress Cheyenne, so need to get there comfortably and on time- meaning, I might need to nap in the car, undisturbed.

I need to get there preferably around 9 or 10 am. It is a 3 and a half hour ride from NYC to Providence, so we will have to leave around 6am.

Refreshments will be provided (in the form of a "lavish seafood feast"- her words), you are welcome to watch the shoot (as long as you keep out of the way), and there will be other submissive men there with whom you may socialize/commiserate with.

All identities and deeds are kept strictly confidential and private.

We should be leaving Providence around 5pm, so home at 9 or so.

Email me: if you are interested.

The decision hopefully will be made by but there is a possibility I will wait until Wednesday for plans to be final.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Spanking Porn is Sophisticated...

I was looking for some good spanking porn to download today, and thought I would share the hilarity of some of the sites with you. The above picture is from a site, which claims their photo gallery is "art" (does the woman in the trenchcoat look suspiciously broad-shouldered to you too?). Below is more "art" in the form of the written word, procured by me, just for you, dear reader.


"Rushing home from school, Heather's itch in her knickers desperately needed a good 'rub' and soon her honeypot is dripping as she furiously frigs herself off. Sadly for her, she's caught in the throes of orgasm by a horrified Uncle who can hear the commotion downstairs. Whilst her minnie's still oozing, Heather's given a damned hard spanking and caning for the mucky self defilement."

"Frigs herself off?" "Minnie's still oozing?" I love it.

And another:

"Tiffany took a very hard strapping across her bouncing chunky cheeks after school when nobody could hear her cries of pain! This was a really hard dose of leather across this girl's buttocks and we thoughtfully provided all the results of this severe thrsshing in glorious HD wmv Playback as well!"

Ha ha! Oh, those Brits.

This is from a site that has stories and poems devoted to spanking, called It's only one poem- written by a spanking devotee, no doubt, because it has like 20 damned stanzas! I have relieved you the pain of reading the whole thing and chose the "best" stanza:

"Oh Dear! what a walloping Jonathon got !
How Mrs. McTavish belabored his bot !
By the time she had finished the shade of his seat
Was crimson and blue like a rose or a beet !
As red as the poppies that grow in the park
You'd think that his bottom would glow in the dark !"

I love how the exclamation points are like five feet away from the end of the lines !!

Another piece of a story from the same site:

"My buttocks clenched, I knew only too well the sting of mother's hairbrush! Mother always smacked me over her knee like a baby, she smacked long, she smacked hard, she smacked with the back of her hairbrush and, of course, she always smacked with my trousers down and my bottom BARE!"

Really? But did she really smack you with a hairbrush? Because I'm not sure... is one of the best in terms of quality, but their descriptions are BOR-ING!:

"As we mentioned, Joe Balcar is a man experiencing many unfair situations in his life. As we can judge from a phone call, his role at his family is the opposite of his leading post at work – he is a leader of Czechoslovakian Youth Association, an organization covering all youth movements, including youth pioneers. But his wife doesn’t care much – so Joe has to prove his dominancy on younger pioneer chiefs or the girl pioneers.

He courts one of the young chiefs, however, the girl has a boyfriend, who doesn’t hesitate to put his head into a lion’s mouth for her. So we will witness the youths’ sex – where else than in the bathroom? Where else can they hide? Unfortunately, we are not the only ones watching them, also the rejected Joe Balcar is there...

And he won’t forgive this, he will surely find an opportunity. Especially when the young chief neglects her work for her pleasures, and the other girls amuse at the meeting as they want.

Joe, very angry, finds a naked girl pioneer in the corridor, who tries to explain it as a kind of pioneer game activity. Suddenly, the young pioneer chief walks in, all excited and untidy after her toilet adventure.

How can this end up?"

Didn't read all of it? Me neither. Damn, people, this is not Lion's Gate here, we all KNOW what's going to happen!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this romp through the idiosyncratic world of spanking porn with me. It's Tuesday afternoon, it's overcast, and I'm bored. If you have any good porn sites to share (about BDSM, not vanilla stuff), please don't hesitate.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

NEW Sherlock Holmes Movie!!!

With Robert Downey Jr. as the irrepressible consulting-detective! But why does he look like a disheveled organ-grinder? Hopefully that picture is simply him dressing up as a bum to get in to Irene Adler's secret wedding!

Appearances aside, Jeremy Brett (first, above) will always be my favorite, but I think that Downey Jr. will be charming and rakish in his own unconventional way.

But- now that I think about it, I'm pretty torn about it. I mean, Guy Ritchie is directing it, Jude Law is playing Watson, and Rachel McAdams is Irene Adler?? (Obviously, they are planning some version of A Scandal In Bohemia.) Ritchie has said that they want to keep it as close to the "real" Sherlock Holmes as possible, while making audacious claims that it will be the "best". Hmmm... really? You really think it's going to be the best? For real? That is a tall order for someone who hasn't done anything of note since Snatch (eight years ago), and who's wife carries his balls in her Gucci purse. Or, rather, she used to- NOW where's he going to put them?

And Jude Law?? I guess I can kind of ignore his annoying smirk for long enough to believe him as Watson, provided he does a convincing job, and keeps in the goddamned background. He says his Watson is not going to be bumbling. Watson was never bumbling! Naive, perhaps, compared to Holmes, but never bumbling! Sheesh! Understand your muse, people!!

And Rachel McAdams as Irene Adler?? I am having a hard time picturing her as the international opera diva superstar/ criminal-minded adventuress who was the only woman to outsmart Holmes. I mean, Regina George from Mean Girls??? How is she going to outsmart him? By losing weight and hiding behind a gaslight? Gayle Hunnicutt as Irene Adler (above, the one with out the moustache) is the only one that matters- at the risk of sounding like an obnoxious fanboy. On top of that, McAdams is like 12 years old. Irene Adler is a woman of the world, someone who's lived a full life- and was probably around 30. I don't know how this is supposed to be believable. At all.

Well, regardless of whether it is a critical success or not, I will still fork over my hard-earned $10 dollars to endure the damned thing. I can even picture myself writhing in my seat, pointing at the screen ("Why did he change that??!" "Holmes never smoked a calabash pipe!" "Ritchie, you hack!"), throwing popcorn at Rachel McAdams, irritating the unsuspecting fools sitting around me.

I'm strangely excited but extremely apprehensive at the same time. It's an inexplicable feeling...


Saturday, October 11, 2008

New Surge In Folk Music Is Making Me Want To Vote Republican...

Maybe I have been listening to too much WBAI, but all the new folk music centering around Barack Obama, and the "change" that is supposedly imminent is making me want to puke. Jesus, I thought this genre died when Dylan went electric- what the hell is it doing on my radio?

Some examples:

A song in which the lyrics were just the word, "Obama", over and over again. Woman's voice over guitar.

An acapella song (with insipid, Manhattan Transfer-like harmonizing) probably called, "Give Me My Vote Back"- I'm not sure, but that's all they said for like eight minutes, but what felt like eight days.

Sound-bytes of Bush spewing his pre-war platitudes, set over very serious, sombre music. There are a lot of versions of this. This never gets old on WBAI.

I can't think of any more because I've blocked them out or otherwise turned the radio off before it got the chance to become part of my precious "mind real estate". Hee.

And what the hell are people elevating Obama to savior-status for? He's just as crooked as all the other politicians, only his rhetoric is more progressive. This doesn't mean he IS progressive, only that he can talk the talk. Liberal ideals are a market, and he's cornered it. He gets funding from corporations and will continue to serve their interests, just like every other politician. If that wasn't part of the package, what would be the motivation to become a politician in the first place? To altruistically "serve the people"? Get real!

Also, I think it is hilarious that people are finally starting to get mad about the 2000 election, as it's eight years after the fact. It is an established FACT that it was fixed in Bush's favor by intentional miscounting, and yet people are just starting to realize this. Read Greg Palast's "The Best Democracy Money Can Buy", which came out in 2002, people. And Congress decided not to impeach him, which should have happened for a myriad of other reasons, which I don't need to belabor. I mean, Bush could eat babies for breakfast and it wouldn't surprise me at this point.

For the record, I would bet a trillion dollars that I will never in my life vote Republican (because I tend to vote according to issues and not personal morality), but the folk songs need to stop. Seriously. I know that all the Baby Boomers are getting all frothy at the mouth to relive the 60's, but can you do it with out the proselytizing music? Please? It sounds like a sermon. And sermons are boring.

Also for the record, I will contend hippies did very little to improve the political landscape. I will agree that they affected change socially, but politically- in terms of the war, political power structures, etc, they did almost nothing. That might be another reason I don't like this easy-listening folk music bullshit- it's like these people are being all nostalgic for a time when they see themselves as being heroes. But what did they do, really? After they realized they couldn't live in a commune and call themselves Moonbeam and eat pot brownies anymore, it was time to use Daddy's money to get a job, right? And there, we had the 80's, and the ushering in of Ronald Reagan, who pretty much set the scene for us to be in the global economic pickle we find ourselves in today.

Who, by the way, Republican voters, is John McCain's HERO!! The same Reagan who employed "Trickle Down Economics". But the Republicans still insist that this is viable, even though the evidence is scant. Perhaps because this economic policy benefits them and their wealthy cronies?? Bah!

The Republicans really know how to work it, though, you have to admit. Creating a massive constituency enrapt in the fear that their morals are constantly in peril due to the influence of the "liberal media". And then, spouting positive rhetoric around economic policies of the past, although even a cursory evaluation of the last three Republican presidents would reveal otherwise.

I'm not trying to make an argument for the Democrats, but as with previous presidential elections, it is going to be a choice of the lesser of two opportunists. NOT savior vs. scoundrel.

So, hippies, anyone who was a hippie who reads my blog, or knows a hippie, smokes pot with one, or has bought their hemp jewelry- what has your folk music (although you did not invent the genre) done for America? Or rather, what did your movement do for us? And what is an uncritical public that worships a politician who says the right things going to do when things don't really "change" all that much? And why is everyone so naive?

I really hope I'm proven wrong.


P.S. AS IM WRITING THIS: There is another folk song on (like with a banjo)- that has Obama talking over it about economic policy, and then sings, "I'm worried now, but I won't be worried long".

Man, I need to shut this off.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

One Night in Paddles and the World's Your Oyster!!

Sorry I haven't written in so long, but I have been working my ass off non-stop, and caught a cold because of it. Everyone waiting on emails, I apologize. I could hardly open my eyes yesterday, let alone stare at the my interactive television machine.;)

I don't usually go to Paddles, because all the guys usually creep me out too much. For a girl, it feels like being in a zombie movie. Only instead of eating your brain, they just follow you around and say, "Mistress, Mistress, can I give you a massage?" (with all the inflection and grace of Bill Murray's character from Caddyshack) I'm just like, "I don't know, can you?" Massages from guys are hardly ever good, unless they've been trained, and that is rare. And by the way, offering a bad one is not "service", but just a sad excuse to try to touch us. Let's be real.

You want to offer me a service? Buy me a drink. Carry my purse. Make sure that I am comfortable. TAKE A DAMNED WHIPPING. And don't expect anything back (re: to massage me), because if you do, that's not "service", that's bartering.

So, Scarlett Stangatta and I spent most of the night taking turns whipping my slave, and I got to hear her deliciously evil laugh- which, the first time I heard it, thought was fake. But no, she really laughs like that. It's awesome. She should be a comic book villain. We asked some friends from Pandora's to come out for a spanking, which made more of a scene than I expected it to, as the crowd of leering men managed to fit itself neatly around us eventhough we were in a corridor. All that aside, I might have spanked them longer than they would have preferred... but their butts jiggled so nicely, I just couldn't help it! I never get to spank girl butt.

It was a singular night also, because Belle du Jour from Leather Ladies showed up. She's like 85 years old. I recognized her because I saw her website a long time ago, and she looks exactly the same, only smaller and with more old lady cuteness. She was there with Mistress Jeanie (her niece), and some other lady with huge hair and lots of eyeliner who guided her around and scowled a lot. I introduced myself and asked her a lot of questions, (most of which I've forgotten the answers to) and probably seemed like an overly eager leering man myself. Someone should interview that lady. In fact, it might not be a bad idea to interview a bunch of "old timers" for a book or a radio show- just so that we have some record of the old days of debauchery. And perhaps as a blueprint to show us how tame we all actually are!!


Friday, October 3, 2008

Damn, I am so sick of thinking about this shit.

But I'm going to torture myself (and you) with it anyway.

Discussions on MF really make we want to smack people.

"Is this illegal?" "What has being blatant about our sexuality done to the scene??" "Isn't it great that domination is being driven deeper underground?" "Now the wheat is definitely going to separate itself from the chaff!"

You know what? Shut up. I'm tired of hearing about it. No matter how you slice it, you can place the blame on anyone you want, the fact is, it ain't gonna change what's happening.

For everyone who's so effing happy about things finally "going underground" again- fuck you. The deeper we go underground, the more people are going to stigmatize us, and the less honestly we are going to be represented. I've said this ten thousand times, but the more we let people conjecture about what they "think" we are, the less ground we are going to gain.

The persecution and cop raids are not going to stop, the deeper you go underground. In fact, the more underground you are, the more vulnerable you make yourself. Until very recently, the cops used to have the "fact" that the medical community considered our behavior "unhealthy" on their side. However, now, psychiatry is starting to realize that, oh, maybe they were wrong! In fact, the new DSM V, which is coming out next year, is taking paraphilic activity that is victimless out completely. I'm not saying that this will exonerate us for the world, but it is a start. And it sure as hell did not come around as a result of entrenching ourselves more "underground".


Sunday, September 28, 2008

Buncha bums!!!

Okay, not ONLY did the Mets lose their chance at the postseason, but they ALSO lost the very last game there was to ever be played at Shea Stadium. Now, I know that sports don't matter, and I know that they are a distraction from real issues, and I also know that whether the Mets win or lose has no bearing on my personal reality. It's all bullshit, and I know that.

BUT WHY DID JERRY MANUEL TAKE JOSE FELICIANO OUT AFTER HE STRUCK SOMEBODY OUT????!!!! Why can't we manage our bullpen effectively EVER??! Of course it's not just the fault of the bullpen, because no one seemed to be able to hit the ball tonight either, maybe because they already felt defeated and were wondering, "what's the point?" or maybe they played their hardest, but could not get a leg up. It seems to me, that if you are playing the last game in your stadium before it's going to get torn down, that you should put all your effort and focus on winning that game. Everyone was counting on them to at least go out with a bang, but perhaps the pressure was too much. It does not, however, surprise me, as the Mets have a long history of defeat- when I was a kid we had season tickets, and they never managed to win a single game I went to.

Ahhh... speaking of defeat, I have decided to make my blog public again after much deliberation around the possibility of arrest, considering the recent legal climate. I have been advised that certain things I say may be used against me in the event that I am "busted". I am not sure what I would be "busted" for, as I do not provide illegal services. However, just so everyone knows, under NY law, the definition of "sexual conduct" is ambiguous, and can be used to describe many BDSM activities, including, but not exclusive to, CBT and dildo play. If the phrase is interpreted very loosely, it could also be determined to include things as seemingly innocuous as foot worship and spanking. That is why everyone is scared. Not so much because people make a living from performing illegal acts, quite the contrary, most people I know, including myself, do not consider BDSM to be questionable in that way, however, it's this ambiguity of the law that has everyone shitting a brick...


So, we're all trapped. Too scared to do anything, but too poor to sit on our asses and wait until the whole thing blows over. IF it blows over, because no one knows what the purpose of the busts are- other than to continually marginalize and stigmatize a community that has little respect for itself, let alone the audacity to seek it from other people.

Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Just as long as you're aware that Big Brother Is Watching You, but he hasn't taken your First Amendment rights away. Yet.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Can't We All Just Be Friends?

Okay, can't we all just sit down, gather around in a circle and hold hands? Obviously, sometimes, relationships between Dommes and clients can be uneasy. Especially with the legal climate as it is in NY- if you are courting a new Domme, her first thought is going to be, "Is this person a cop?". We may ask you a bunch of questions, and even for references. Please understand that it is only to protect ourselves. But, beyond that, as Domme/client relationships develop over time, there may be broken hearts, disappointed expectations, and a general derision toward the whole interaction.

That said, I would just like to say that clients are people too, and a lot of the time, Dommes do not acknowledge that. Does it go so far that all we see are dollar signs when we look at you? No. But, especially when you are a Domme who has worked in a house, you notice a culture of "other" exists such that clients as a whole are seen as being untrustworthy. This attitude is a defense mechanism devised to categorize you, and to a certain extent, make themselves feel less vulnerable. It's a dirty little secret that no one wants to talk about, but frankly, it exists in many service industries. It has developed probably because of a combination of factors, both on the client's part, and our own. It's too bad, but unfortunately the nature of such random interaction. Maybe this is betraying my own, but I believe it exists in no small part because some Dommes let themselves do things that they are not wholly comfortable with. This is NOT the client's fault. How are you supposed to know that someone doesn't like foot worship if they told you ahead of time that they do? Some women are in this business purely for the dollah dollah billz, and not because they love toe kissing. This creates a sharp contrast between their personal lives and their Domme life, and a lot of people have a hard time reconciling this dichotomy. I am an armchair psychologist, but some residual resentment toward "clients" as a group may occur. Again, this is NOT a client's fault, but merely a missing piece of an understanding of the unsolicited tension.

Some behavior that creates completely solicited tension are: calling me up drunk in the middle of the night, calling me 20+ times a day, not showing up or calling when you can't make an appointment (is my time less important than yours?), or offering a domme money to perform "extras"- therefore putting the person (who might not be financially stable) in a difficult spot. If you think it's okay to put someone in that position when you have not negotiated for it ahead of time, you are an asshole. Now, I am not someone who gets their panties all in a twist when asked to perform escort-related activities. I know some people throw a shit-fit when approached like that, and that is their prerogative. However, assuming that someone can be bought is fucked up.

All this aside, it is up to everyone to be fully responsible for themselves and their actions. We're all adults, aren't we?

The reason why I brought all of this up, is because I'm pretty tired of all the "US" vs. "them" attitude out there amongst Dommes. It's too simplistic, it's too generalized, and it's wrong. I am currently dating someone who was a client, and he has turned out to be one of the most delightfully charming people I've ever been with. Many Dommes are shocked that I would do this, but I don't feel that I am any more at risk than with any other relationship. I also feel like it is hypocritical in the sense that their boyfriends have probably all been "clients" in one sense or another. Whether at a strip club, a massage parlor, or where ever else.

Koom bi ya, mi lord...

I will also say for the record, if you see a client (who was respectful) outside of the dungeon atmosphere, and you automatically feel threatened or uncomfortable, then maybe you are in the wrong business.

Off Topic:

Booming sound systems in cars are:


hurt my ears

always playing the exact music that no one who is subjected to it wants to hear

supposedly an indication that you are a thug, but, if you were a real gangsta, wouldn't you want to keep a low profile so that the whole world can't hear when you're rollin in yo 4.0?


P.S. Anyone who subscribes, I'm sorry for the million and a half email alerts you might get, but I gotta edit this shit on my own! And I constantly find little things to improve.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Men have the most creative ways of masturbating...

Boys, please! No wonder you need a good whipping!

Some of my favorites:

Microwaved canteloupe with a hole in it
Hand run under a hot faucet
Stuffed animals
A vacuum with hose attachment

and last but not least... a greased up garbage bag?!

I really want to hear the strangest ways any of you have "gotten nice" with yourselves.

Don't be shy! But it will be used against you...


Monday, September 8, 2008

He's a Sadistic Shit Freak!...

... Who gives boys enemas!!" A direct quote from one of my more colorful clients, in reference to one of his colleagues. As soon as he said it, I was like, you know I have to write that down, right? He wanted to make sure I kept the enema part in there, although I would have been satisfied just with the title quote. Ah, there are some people who say wild things because they think it's funny, and some people who just can't help it.

Speaking of shit, I went to see the new Serrano exhibition on Thursday- huge 8 foot pictures of shit. Literally. Huge, very sensitively and carefully taken photos of shit. Dog shit, human shit, bull shit, slimey shit, dried up shit, shit with little leaves in it, you name it. There were 66 photos to see, apparently, but I could not get myself past the first room. They must have been pumping in the faint smell of shit too, to add to the 'ambience'. The photos were disgusting, but watching all the SERIOUS critics walk around, examining the things so closely was the real art. No one laughed at all. No surprise, I guess. I read an interview with Serrano where he said he thinks they are tremendously beautiful and groundbreaking... uh, yeah, in a super-hack kind of way. This dude made a million bucks for putting a crucifix in a bottle of piss, and now we are supposed to think he had some huge explosion of inspiration by taking close-ups of shit? He is no better than DJ's who've made a name for themselves by talking shit. He is like the Howard Stern of art, sans the obnoxious need to continually humiliate and gawk at women.

Now that we're on the topic of coprophilia, I just want to say that a) I don't get it, and b) I think that it is a whole lot more popular than people think. Judging from what is responded to on Max Fisch the most, I would say that shit is pretty up there as something that people are fascinated by and want to try (as a way to deepen one's submission?) or are completely repulsed by. I confess I am fascinated by why someone would want to do it, but ultimately, the visceral reality would be too much. Unless someone would want a Roman shower at the same time... ew, double ew.

Anyway, don't let my "ew's" discourage you from responding, as I would really like someone to honestly tell me why they love their mistress's shit so much. Your explanations are better than anything that wikipedia could ever offer.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Kid's shows and Stevie Wonder...

I was listening to Stevie Wonder today, and sometimes his songs make me think about kid's tv shows from the late 70's and 80's. Perhaps this is a strange connection to make, but he was a featured performer on a lot of children's shows from that era. If you are familiar with his song "Black Man", where children are made to call out the names of various important people of color (and non-color) to emphasize the importance all races have had on civilization, perhaps the connection is less strange. To make myself a little clearer, I remember when I was a little kid children's programming had a particular agenda to encourage racial unity and cohesiveness which kids who grew up after me lack. Sesame Street and Reading Rainbow in particular, I remember, left the more indelible impression that race was simply a color, a part of the beautiful spectrum of diversity of being human.

I grew up in the suburbs and I'm white, so I ate these images up like free Rolos at the movie theater. Perhaps the images encouraged my unawareness of the real problems that existed. They were often treacly-sweet musical montages of children playing together on a swing in bell-bottoms: a boy with a huge afro and a front tooth missing, a little blonde girl with a crooked ponytail- a vision of urban racial utopia. These images were, like the song, part of a desperate struggle to implant these values into kids my age (values which were relatively new and progressive for the time). Reading Rainbow was a little more pragmatic, as LeVar encouraged you to read books explaining in children's language the story of Harriet Tubman and the America's (many of which warbled under the weightiness of their own subject matter).

Regardless of the result, the programs were a well-intentioned effort on the part of those who recognized that prejudice starts very young to try to prevent further misguided hatred. I'm sure they knew a television show could never override the opinions you absorb from your parents, but it was sort of a noble thing, I think, to make a concerted effort to indulge the possibility of racial harmony. And in the suburbs when children are really young, and don't know what the history between the races has been, I guess this is possible. Things change, however, when you get a little older and take a history class...

Perhaps it is noble as well because it's probably the first time children's television ever tried to instill anything beyond cleaning behind your ears and washing your hands. The Sesame Street images still evoke feelings of warmth and hopefulness in me, even though I know that they were intentional and more than a little staged. (Unlike Stevie Wonder!!)

Staginess aside, I'm not sure whether someone my age who grew up amid a lot of racial conflict would have seen these images, or what they would have thought of them. My guess is that they probably have a much different perspective in respect to their own personal reality and what they saw on t.v., which of course one comes to realize, is fantasy.

But, I'm not going to pontificate on something I know nothing about. I do, however, know that the reason I like listening to Stevie is not only because it is brilliant fucking pop music, but his voice and his lyrics are embued with a warmth that seems to make any prejudice unfathomable.

Anyway, Happy Labor Day, I'm going to go swing my ass off!

Listen to the song here:


Saturday, August 30, 2008

Maybe You're Not A Supafreak?

Bondage lovers not abnormal: sex study

An unusual sex survey has found that Australians who enjoy bondage and discipline are not damaged or dangerous, and might even be happier than those who practise "normal" sex.

The research showed two per cent of adult Australians regularly partake in sadomasochism and dominance and submission-type sexual role play.

And contrary to commonly-held stereotypes, they are not doing so in reaction to sexual abuse or because they are "sexually deficient" in some way, according the study of 20,000 Australians by public health researchers at the University of NSW.

"Our findings support the idea that bondage and discipline and sadomasochism (BDSM) is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority," Associate Professor Juliet Richters and her colleagues wrote in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

The findings showed that it was more common among gay, lesbian and bisexual people, and that participants were more likely to have been more sexually adventurous in other ways.

"However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious," said Prof Richters, author of the book Doing It Down Under.

In fact, men who take part may be happier, with results showing they score significantly lower on a scale of psychological distress than other men.

The researchers did not study why this was, but suspect it might simply be that they're more in harmony with themselves because they're into something unusual and are comfortable with that.

Prof Richters says the findings go against professional views of BDSM.

"People with these sexual interests have long been seen by medicine and the law as, at best, damaged and in need of therapy and, at worst, dangerous and in need of legal regulation," she said.

There was also an assumption, mostly among the general public, that people involved in BDSM were sexually deficient in some way, "and need particularly strong stimuli such as being beaten or tied up to become aroused".

She said she hoped the results would help change these stereotypes.

© 2008 AAP

This article was found as a link from Mistress Wynter's Max Fisch Forum to "The Sydney Morning Herald", dated August 25th/2008 07:00:00 PM.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Dedicated to Kerry in Chicago...

Thanks a lot, Kerry, for my new shoes. They are sure to make me look really fancy next time I go out. In honor of your contribution to my collection of swanky accessories, I am dedicating this song to you:


Monday, August 25, 2008


I am done with parties. Again, I went to a party last night, and wondered why I was there. All the male doms think you want to fuck them, and walk around like peacocks, thinking they are the awesomest players in the world. Ugh. I just hate seeing women let these dickbags hit them. It's just like- you're gonna let THAT dude touch you? The blatant unabashed exhibitionism (whether you know what you're doing or not), slave girls doing their "oooh! ahhh!" writhing against a cross as some dude with a mullet rubs her bottom and tells her she can take more (it wasn't even a normal mullet, it was the kind where the whole sides of the head are shaved, except for the top, which is really long. I don't know what that's called, but it's a bad look, and if you don't think so, I suggest trying to find your way out of 1992). Oh! And everyone in their goth uniforms. A dom actually came up to me and said he wanted to see me in latex next time. I was like, fuck you, buddy! There ain't gonna be a next time- and that's your loss. This coming from someone who dresses up like a gladiator on the weekends and pretends to sword fight. I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a dress code for watching fat, badly dressed people who would otherwise be at home playing World of Warcraft hit each other. I really have nothing against fat people. That was mean. But I do have something against people who think they're vampires. Or werewolves. I don't know which one is worse. I'm sorry, but if you're over 40 and you have a custom-made pair of porcelain vampire teeth in your mouth and wear top hats with no shirt on, it might be time to start thinking therapy is an option. Or that you suck. Either one will suffice.

These people are not even the worst part, if you think about it. You also have the people who are there for "promotional purposes". Ex: this one tiny dude brought a bunch of really tall women who obviously were models or strippers to take pictures of them for his website or for his own jack-off material, who knows. They all walked around with their shitty floggers that they bought at Fantasy World, and let all the men watch as they pinched each other's nipples. Then there are people who supposedly are dommes, but show up to make connections- which I really can't lambast too much- but sometimes it is obvious that they are not interested in the scene at all, and walk around glad-handing people until they get tired and go home to their vanilla life.

There are maybe a handful of people who I'm glad to see, who I think could actually teach me something at these parties. Also, my friends seem to enjoy going (I'm not sure why). That alone should be worth it, but now I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth the hassle. I get all dolled up, spend a hundred dollars on I don't know what, and then come home more than a little dissatisfied or, like this time, pissed off. And I'm not even menstruating!

I guess I'm just tired of everyone reveling in being so damned cliched.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Stuff I hate...

1) Hipsters who wear fedoras. Once upon a time, this was a hat that I really enjoyed seeing on men. It's classic and sharp, not to mention that one of my ex-boyfriends had a vintage one that made me want to fuck him like crazy every time he wore it. However, it's been so co-opted by hipsters now that the mere sight of one makes me want to rip it off their heads and stomp on it.

2) That voicemail lady who makes you wait to leave your message when you're really excited to leave your friends something that's going to make them crack up. But the lady just keeps fucking talking!! I don't care that I can press 5 to page them! Who ever does that anyway?! Shut up!

3) Gentrification. I'm white, so I contribute to it automatically by breathing, but still, I hate it. Especially during the summer, when there are a bunch of dumbassed tourists on the subway. And especially when I have to walk near Times Square. And also when I walk through my neighborhood past hipsters with fedoras. Okay, I pretty much hate it constantly.

4) Pink polo shirts. I just can't convey this enough. They're worse than gentrification by like, eons. If any pain sluts out there want me to really beat you with every ounce of passion and force that I've got, then I would suggest wearing a pink polo shirt and a fedora to session.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm In Love With A Stripper!

Okay, maybe that's a little hyperbolic, but I think I understand now why certain men love strip joints. Before actually even having gone to one, I thought it would be a place where I would feel uncomfortable, trying to discern exactly whether each and every girl was happy, exploited, or somewhere in between. And to be honest, I sort of did do that to a certain degree last weekend. I suppose it depends on what strip club you go to, but I patronized a pretty representative random sample, which were (in ascending order according to prices): The Pussycat Lounge, NYC Dolls, and The Hustler Club. The price to service ratio is pretty much what you would expect- the more expensive things got, the nicer the venue, and the closer the women resembled a mainstream ideal of beauty. But then, most of you have probably been to strip clubs, so that's no surprise.

The Pussycat Lounge is a dive, but I have friends who work there, so was hoping to maybe see one of them. We paid ten bucks to get in, and sat ourselves down in front of a woman with a terrific ass. The women do not come close to you at this club, but dance on a stage behind the bar. They have to compete with the ubiquitous televisions, not to mention they don't have a pole. There is something disheartening about being in a place where people seem disinterested even by the sight of a half-naked woman. I gave the girl with the ass some money, which made her smile, but I didn't spot any of my friends, and can watch the Mets lose for free at home, so we moved on to...

NYC Dolls. I didn't have my glasses on when I walked in, so all I could see was a sea of writhing bodies, which I mistook as a giant orgy. Readjusting, I saw that it was simply a sea of women giving lap dances, which I had never seen before in the flesh. A blonde Russian woman came up to me, so I agreed to take a dance. She was like, "Open your legs!", so I did, and she did her thing for me, which seemed a little mechanical, but was still fun. It was my first dance ever, and I couldn't wipe the shit-eating grin off my face, so I would say she earned her keep. It was fun there, and they serve strong drinks, but ultimately, what got to me were the annoying patrons- one of whom almost sat right on my purse in his drunken idiocy.

After sitting in the Hustler Club for a damned half hour, waiting for a woman to come up to me (having done everything short of waving cash at them) I finally caught the attention of an older stripper (who was gorgeous) calling herself "Tiffany". I shouted at her, "Can I give you some money?" You can't really ignore a proposition like that, so she gave me a few lap dances. I didn't really want three of them, but she was nice and I would take anything at that point. I asked her why none of the girls would come up to us (me and my male friend), and she said that a lot of couples on first dates come there, and the men are usually reluctant to spend a lot of cash. Oh, and also, the women tend to get jealous and upset. This floored me. First of all, that first dates in a strip club are that common, and second of all, that you would agree to go to a strip club and then proceed to get jealous. I had an inkling that a woman who was not "working" could throw off the vibe, but now I knew why (or part of the reason why). She told me not to be shy, to go up to the girl who I wanted a lap dance from, and ask her.

I have to say, all in all, the whole experience is terrifically boring *UNTIL* you find a woman who will come up to you who genuinely seems like she wants to fuck you. Now, I'm not a sucker. At least, I flatter myself that I'm not. I know these girls are trying to make money (the "hustler" in Hustler Club, I assure you, is not referring to the men). But the "art" of stripping is not in how someone looks, or even necessarily how they dance. It's something else. So- after "Tiffany", doing some seat-adjusting, getting another drink, and staring at the woman on stage... I spotted a girl at the foot of it who went right up and kissed her, waving dollar bills and cheering her on. I was like, wow, she's hot, and before I knew it, she was standing above me, between my legs. And then, before I knew it, she was asking me where I'm from, and I was giving her money, and she was grinding on me- not in an "I'm just doing my job" sort of way- but in an engaged, focused way that made me feel kinda funny (in a Wayne's World sort of way). Now, I'm not a lonely person, I'm not looking to talk to a pretty girl (a la The Tubes), in general, I'm indifferent to women's bodies- but now I finally understand. She was touching me, grinding on me, whispering in my ear and almost kissing me, but then she did kinda kiss me, but then she was flipping her hair, and then she touched my breasts... I don't know how many dances there were, but my friend tapped my hand, waking me out of my stupor. We left the club (before I spent more of his dwindling wad of cash) and I floated down the street, grasping his hand, staring wistfully up at the sky. I was like, "Does she like me? Don't you think she really wanted to fuck me?" He shook his head, smiling, "Maybe, sure." But really, she totally did.

Whatever notions I had about these women having little agency or control have completely dissipated. Does the club probably take a larger cut than they should? Yes. Are all of the girls there because it's an empowering environment and they love doing it? Probably not. But regardless, the women do have a lot of power. It was like watching a bunch of Dommes sessioning in the same room, engaged with different clients. I was a client. And it was great.


Also- I need to give a shout out to Jack for giving me tickets to the Stooges concert last weekend. It was the perfect beginning to an awesome vacation.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Why is the world totally in love with tranny porn?

Every time I go to a porn store there is like a huge wall of it! Obviously, the porn industry is an industry of supply and demand, so this is saying something about the demand. But seriously, what is going on? It can't simply be for the novelty value.

Is it a way of watching cock-on-cock action with out admitting you are watching gay porn? Are some men so conflicted about how they feel about cock (because let's face it, it's not chicks buying this stuff), that they need it with a gender-identified woman to make it okay? This is a similar issue many men have who like "forced bi" scenarios. They need the context of being "forced" into it, so that they can separate themselves from having to confront the possibility that they might not be all that straight. Because hey, if there's a woman in the room who is forcing you to do it for her own enjoyment, then you're not really gay, right? But you asked for it, but in the context of the role play, she is making you, but you originally asked for it, but, but...!!! (Unless your mistress really does force you to do it and you don't ask- that's different)

Isn't it possible that you can love cock and want to watch it explode bucketloads of cum all over an ass, and not be G-A-Y? Gayness is a culture, and I don't think wanting a big fatty in your mouth qualifies you to belong to that culture. For instance, a client will ask me, "Does this make me gay?" I'm just like, "I don't know, does it?" Ultimately, you make that decision for yourself, and no one can make it for you. Why does it always have to be a black or white question anyway? Who even cares if you're gay or not? Isn't it just an umbrella term anyway? Sexuality is so multi-faceted, what is the use in trying to compartmentalize everything? How about, "I love women, but I also love cock." There should be a name for that, because it's ubiquitous, and perhaps isolating not to know that one could identify as such. Perhaps that is the real reason why tranny porn is so popular. There are many men who want femininity and also the added bonus of a long, luscious cock. One of my girlfriends who dates a FTM transgender person, said that she likes Him because you get the masculinity without the cock (and the asshole-ishness, but that's beside the point). Could it be possible that people who love trannies are simply the inverse of that?

In theory, I should find tranny porn pretty hot. However, when I watch it, I always find myself trying to look for the person (or the man) underneath the makeup. I'm not sure why I do that, but inevitably, whenever I can see traces of the biological man peeping through (whether in the thickness of his neck, his jawline, the defined muscularity of his physique) I can't get turned on by it. This is nothing against trannies, but possibly my own curiosity about the whole pathos behind gender transformation. This, of course, says more about my own preconceived notions about that "pathos"- whether it even exists- but I can't help projecting an internal struggle onto them, and perhaps that prevents me from being able to objectify them, and hence, jerk off. I watched some vanilla porn the other day, where a biological girl was sucking cock. It didn't do much for me either, perhaps for similar reasons. Or maybe because vanilla stuff is boring as hell.

I would like to hear from people who love tranny porn. Do you simply find trannies aesthetically pleasing? What other theories do people have? What literature has been written on it, if any?

Also, check out this article by Tristan Taormino in the Voice, which is quite relevant:


Monday, August 4, 2008

Stuff I Like...

If you are one of my clients, or are planning to session with me, here is a list of things I like, one or more of which you may bring me to brighten my day (and hence, your session).

Dark Chocolate- 65% cocoa or more. Lindt, Chocolove- well, basically any brands other than Hershey or Cadbury. Any European chocolate excites me as well. I don't like fruit, although I do love nuts, especially Hazelnuts.

Poland Spring Sparkling Water- raspberry lime or mandarin orange flavors.

Coffee- a good cup of coffee from a coffee shop, not from the diner across the street. It doesn't have to be fancy, but in order for me to be happy, it should be fresh and light, with no sugar.

Stockings- I don't like expensive brands. I know I'm supposed to tell you to bring me stuff from Agent Provocateur, but I don't care. If you can feel the difference between some L'eggs and a pair of $75 stockings from there, then I guess you get a big round of applause. I once had a stocking "connoisseur" ask me what (fantastic!) brand of stocking I wore- he was surprised to find that they cost $5.95. So, why waste the cash? They're just going to rip anyway. I take Queen-sized, as I am 5'11'' barefoot.

If this list is not enough and you want to get me something that will make me jump up and down, email to see what I am eyeing this week.


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

In Defense of Spanking Being Bad Assed:

In talking to other people in the scene, I am gleaning that it is generally assumed that spanking is a "soft" art, or in other words, that we're considered wussies!?

I am flabbergasted by this, and will have you know that I have made people scream from spanking, okay? I have made people cry, I have made them bleed, and I have made them jump up and rub their bottoms and beg me to stop...

Look- we don't need any fancy equipment. There is no middleman. It's just me, you, and the anguishing force of my fleshy palm! Because it's so basic, I believe it can be more intimate than any other mode of punishment. There are no braided leather nine-tailed spikes, but it does require a certain level of skill in terms of how your hand is wielded. Perhaps because it's so deceptively simple, Spankers often misjudge their technique. That's what gets me, because spanking is so much more complicated than a simple slap on the ass! An open-handed slap, as opposed to a cupped-hand can make all the difference in the world. Not to mention the area of the buttocks and upper thighs that you touch. Many people don't know that you must rub the area not only to warm it up and keep it going, but also to give the Spankee a false sense of security, as half the fun is "tapping that ass" when it is least expected.

It is also fun to tickle certain sensitive places with fingers, but I digress...

With spanking, you feel discomfort from administering discomfort- so, in a sense, you are going through the same thing the sub is going through, but you are doing it to give them more pain. What could be more sadistic than that? To experience pain yourself so that you can keep delivering more pain? That is sick! We are so twisted!

Not only do you develop a complementary relationship with the discomfort, but you feel the energetic reverberations of the other person's pain, because it's all right there in your hand. It's like a pebble dropped in the water- you feel the other person's reaction, and can have empathy and sense their boundaries much better, IMO. There is also the warmth of the ass, and sometimes a barely perceptible vibration.

Although I very much enjoy flogging, caning, and the like- there is something about using implements that can make one feel quite detached from what the subject is experiencing. But then, perhaps, that is what some masochists desire.

I have also made my fingers black and blue, but this is beside the point.

In closing, I would just like to say: Spanking is hard core, bitches!! Stick that in your latex cat suit and smoke it!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Taking The Pledge...

Please watch this when you have a private moment.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Stop Wearing Pink!!

Guys, just stop it, already. It's not cool, it's not ironic, you're not challenging gender stereotypes- you just look like an asshole. Oh, extra asshole points for wearing a turned-up collar.

Want to do something unexpected? Wear a sequined tube top.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

More busts in NYC...

Prostitution may be well on it's way to becoming decriminalized in San Francisco, but in NYC, things keep getting more absurd.
Not only has the "Scores" Midtown location been shut down (allegedly due to prostitution), but now more strip clubs are coming under fire, as here:

Wow, so glad that my tax money is going toward something worth while, re: disrupting erotic services contracts between consensual adults!!

Oh, and the cops will bust your grandma for being a prostitute, too:

So- make sure she doesn't look too suspicious while walking to the hospital, okay?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Damn it, you mean you WON'T suck my dirty jock clean???

I was in Leather Man yesterday, with my friend D buying butt plugs, and was given a little list of "hanky codes" by one of the salesmen, when he noticed our curiosity over their vast bandana selection. This only increased my own befuddlement, as the list is so particular, especially in regards to the impossibly subtle shades of color it refers to. Do YOU know the difference between robin's egg blue and light blue? Me neither!!! Maybe I'm not as gay as I thought! What if you are color blind? Does that mean that you could mistake a fist fucker for a rent boy? How embarrassing! It's dark inside those clubs! What if you mistake mauve for magenta? You think you're going to get a good pit-sucking, and you end up with a navel-licker. What gives?

If anyone can explain to me why it would be important to signify that you smoke cigars, do tell. I am hoping it is a clever euphemism for a sex act I've never heard of, but I doubt it.

BLACK heavy SM top heavy SM bottom
GREY bondage top fit to be tied!
BLUE, Light wants head cocksucker
BLUE, Robin's Egg 69er anything but 69ing
BLUE, Medium cop copsucker
BLUE, Navy fucker (top) fuckee (bottom)
BLUE, Airforce pilot/flight attendant likes flyboys
BLUE, Light w/WHITE Stripe sailor lookin' for salty seamen
BLUE, Teal cock & ball torturer cock & ball torturee
RED fist fucker fist fuckee
MAROON cuts bleeds
RED, Dark 2-handed fister 2-handed fistee
PINK, Light dildo fucker dildo fuckee
PINK, Dark tit torturer tit torturee
MAUVE into navel worshippers has a navel fetish
MAGENTA suck my pits armpit freak
PURPLE piercer piercee
LAVENDER likes drag queens drag queen
YELLOW pisser/WS piss freak
YELLOW, Pale spits drool crazy
MUSTARD hung 8"+ wants 8"+
GOLD two looking for one one looking for two
ORANGE anything anytime nothing now (just cruising)
APRICOT two tons o' fun chubby chaser
CORAL suck my toes shrimper (sucks toes)
RUST a cowboy a cowboy's horse
FUSCHIA spanker spankee
GREEN, Kelly hustler (for rent) john (looking to buy)
GREEN, Hunter daddy orphan boy looking for daddy
OLIVE DRAB military top military bottom
GREEN, Lime dines off tricks (food) dinner plate (will buy dinner)
BEIGE rimmer rimmee
BROWN scat top scat bottom
BROWN LACE uncut likes uncut
BROWN SATIN cut likes cut
CHARCOAL latex fetish top latex fetish bottom
GREY FLANNEL owns a suit likes men in suits
WHITE beat my meat (J/O) I'll do us both (J/O)
HOLSTEIN milker milkee
CREAM cums in condoms sucks cum out of condoms
BLACK w/WHITE Check safe sex top safe sex bottom
RED w/WHITE Stripe shaver shavee
RED w/BLACK Stripe furry bear likes bears
WHITE LACE likes white bottoms likes white tops
BLACK w/WHITE Stripe likes black bottoms likes black tops
BROWN w/WHITE Stripe likes latino bottoms likes latino tops
YELLOW w/WHITE Stripe likes asian bottoms likes asian tops
BLUE, Light w/WHITE Dots likes white suckers likes to suck whites
BLUE, Light w/BLACK Dots likes black suckers likes to suck blacks
BLUE, Light w/BROWN Dots likes latino suckers likes to suck latinos
BLUE, Light w/YELLOW Dots likes asian suckers likes to suck asians
RED/WHITE GINGHAM park sex top park sex bottom
BROWN CORDUROY headmaster student
PAISLEY wears boxer shorts likes boxer shorts
FUR bestialist top bestialist bottom
GOLD LAME likes muscleboy bottoms likes muscleboy tops
SILVER LAME starfucker celebrity
BLACK VELVET has/takes videos will perform for the camera
WHITE VELVET voyeur (likes to watch) will put on a show
LEOPARD has tattoos likes tattoos
TAN smokes cigars likes cigars
TEDDY BEAR cuddler cuddlee
KEWPIE DOLL chicken (under-aged) chicken hawk (likes young adolescents)
DIRTY JOCKSTRAP wears a dirty jock sucks dirty jocks clean
DOILY tearoom top (pours) tearoom bottom (drinks)
MOSQUITO NETTING outdoor sex top outdoor sex bottom
ZIPLOC BAG has drugs looking for drugs
COCKTAIL NAPKIN bartender bar groupie
KLEENEX stinks sniffs
KEYS IN FRONT has a car looking for a ride
KEYS IN BACK has a home needs a place to stay
HOUNDSTOOTH likes to nibble willing to be bitten
UNION JACK skinhead top skinhead bottom
CALICO new in town tourists welcome
TERRYCLOTH bathhouse top bathhouse bottom
WHITE w/MULTICOLOR Dots hosting an orgy looking for an orgy

Friday, July 11, 2008

Kink is the new Gay

A slave made an observation to me that smokers are the last group of people that is still discriminated against. I was like, "Um... what do you think your boss would say if he watched you hanging upside down while two girls with boxing gloves punched your balls?" He was like, "Uhhh...."

Yeah, that's what I thought.

(This is one of my favorite rants, by the way)

We are all so imprisoned by shame over what we like, that it reminds me of where the gay rights movement was in like, 1990. No wait, scratch that- more like circa 1960 because we don't even have a movement. Or else, it is a small collection of people who conspire in basements, talking about which protest they should join that week. Who no one knows about. Do you know about them? No. Exactly. They advocate for your sexual freedom, but you still have no idea who they are. Cool. Not like you should. They are a community of fairly insular people who do this work in their spare time.

Since most people keep their kinkiness fairly discrete and out of their 'vanilla lives', there is no incentive to speak out. Perhaps not until the cops start raiding clubs or trying to shut them down, a la "Stonewall". Still, I feel this must be horribly isolating.

I'm not talking about wearing a pin saying how kinky you are, although the gay rights movement took that approach, I am just saying that it would be nice if people could be more open with their partners- even though that would probably put me out of a job, lol.

How many of you wish you could be completely open about your sexual preferences? Are you open with your significant other? Why? Why not? Is it an important topic for you, or do you prefer to keep your kinks discrete? Do you feel like if you came out to your partner, that they would find you depraved or maybe even sick?

I contend that the repression of these desires (ones which are paraphilic, but in essence, not hurtful toward another party) is psychically detrimental. Acting on these desires, one experiences a sense of catharsis similar to what one gets from going to a good psychologist. I hate to use the word, "therapy", but there are many similarities. In a good session, where one may "be themselves", the subject acts out scenes, or experiences pain which a part of them desires. It is the same principle behind art therapy, or Jungian hypnosis- to let your inexplicable feelings, thoughts, etc express themselves openly in a safe environment. There is a sense of freedom that comes from this, perhaps because there is something in your mind telling you that you must do this in order to heal. Not saying that kinkiness is the result of some childhood trauma. Perhaps it is a reaction to the trauma some people experience on a daily basis, the reasons behind it may be myriad. However, speaking from experience, there is a healing aspect to it, which I think is largely ignored or denied inside and outside of the community.

Would your partner want to deprive you of going to your therapist? Is it that simple? No. But neither is feeling that there is something wrong with you.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

I think I have...

eaten all the corner stores near my house out of the good Haagen Dasz flavors. Please, bodega man, don't make me eat Ben n Jerry's!!!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

If people knew what I did alone in my apartment...

Often I catch myself doing things when I'm alone that I would not do in mixed company. Or in any company, for that matter.

Singing at the top of my lungs to Mary J. Blige, white-girl dancing to hip hop and rapping (I imagine I am a "fly girl"), having long, drawn-out conversations with my cats that mostly involve trying to get them to sit on my lap, rocking OUT to Guns N Roses, talking to my plants...

Does anyone else catch themselves humming the ice cream truck ditty? It's like, the most annoying song in the world, but I'll be washing my dishes and start singing it. Perhaps other people don't have quite the industrious ice cream truck drivers that I do, roaming the streets in droves, it seems like.

Hope everyone is well. Please feel free to leave a comment- I haven't had one in a while, so am feeling somewhat like I am talking to myself in my apartment...

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Pride pics n more!

Pride was great this weekend, FYI. Got to see many many cute bottoms in tight panties, took pictures and danced with many drag queens, and had an all-out fun fest. It rained, but we danced anyway, and there was much faggotry to go around. I got some great video of teen queens "voguing" but think the highlight was witnessing one drag queen yelling at another, "You betta put some pants on, girl! Don't go out with out ya pants, we all know what happened last time!" That, and the GO! float was accosted by some overly rambunctious boys in panties who grabbed onto the sides and starting humping the air at us. Fun times!!


So psyched about Gay Pride this weekend!

Men in leather thongs, women on Harley's, glitter, and drag queens, oh my!!

I will be marching with GO! Magazine, so be sure to throw a kiss if you're there.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

You're Just Not That Important

I'm sorry, but you're not.

A final word on the Cat O Nine Party:

I need to rant about the assholery that abounded on Max Fisch about our intentions and our supposed self-promotion. Not to mention the inquiries about where the money was "really" going, and the long arduous posts about undercovers showing up in order to glean the identities of all the local perverts.

First of all, I wanna say, "Wha wha what?" Do you really think the cops don't know that Rapture makes most of their money fucking people in the ass- oh, I'm sorry- with "prostate massage"? If you are that paranoid about having your identity revealed, why come out of your collective hovels at all? Sit at home and drink forties while watching German latex gerbil porn or something. Or wear a mask. Why are you even posting on Max Fisch? Don't you know the cops can trace your IP address off of that too? Oh, snap!

You are a douche if you don't think the cops are going to find out whatever they want to no matter how underground you think you are. They have access to all the sites and forums you have access to. They are not stupid. But they do pick their battles. Why they chose the HC? I have no idea. But it probably has more to do with their own self-promotion than it does with being earnestly concerned with whether you like a dildo up your ass or not. I'm sorry, but you're just not that important.

Second of all, how dare you motherfuckers have the audacity to imply that we would want to a) get financial gain out of this, or b) gain exposure. I'll tell you something, $2600 is really not that much money, and secondly, these women are my friends. In some cases, they are my very good friends. So shame on you assholes who are pedantic and petty enough to suggest otherwise. It makes me sick that anyone would suggest that in the least. Especially since a lot of the people who were arrested would not have had the foggiest idea what to do unless certain parties had offered them advice.

As I've stated before, if you really believe in being a pervert, then step up to the plate and show your ass. This event wasn't only about the girls, but a symbolic gesture that we are a community, and we are not going to let the cops or anyone else exploit our predilictions for political gain.

I am really tired of all the virulent negativity. I understand why you would want to be cautious with your identity, but going crazy over a little event like this that was for a good cause, where you could actually show some solidarity instead of just forking money over to a party promoter, is kind of fucked up.

I really hope that some people could learn to get a god damned life instead of trivializing over an event that's intention was to bring people together to feel like there's some meaning in all this, as opposed to being part of a vapid social club.

(Now I throw the mic on the floor and stomp off the stage)

Thank you, you're a beautiful audience. Cadillacs all around!

P.S. Apologies to all those who came up to me at the party who said they enjoy my blog. I really appreciated it, although I didn't really have enough time to say so. Again, you are awesome, and thanks a lot.
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