Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Kibbles N Bits

So, I was at a fetish party the other night. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. My friend John pointed out a girl dressed like Marilyn Monroe from The Seven Year Itch. She was gorgeous. I said, "You want me to go up to her?" He is shy, and probably would not have done it himself, I knew. I asked if she needed a drink. We sat, we talked... Then we got on the topic of her relationship- she's with a FTM (she never thought she'd like pussy!) We talked about "plumbing"(genitalia)- is that what people are attracted to? Or is it more about masculinity vs. femininity? Or perhaps even more toward topping or bottoming? I marveled at how convincing she looked, how beautiful she was. She glowed. She stood out. She seemed to be very young. And would only drink soda water.

She pointed to her friend (who was suspending someone with rope in the corner) who's a post-op, and was thinking about getting her operation as well. She's been taking hormones for 2 1/2 years. I say, "Aren't you afraid that you won't feel the same? You won't be able to have an orgasm again." She said the surgeries have gotten much more sophisticated. You can now. I was impressed. And happy that if someone wanted to make that conversion, they could without losing feeling.

I went back to John. "She's beautiful, isn't she? " I say.

"Yeah, stunning, " he says.

"She's a dude. Well, not really a dude, but she has a dick."

His eyes widened, then he looked disappointed. "Why does it matter?" I say. He turned to me and said, "It's all just kibbles and bits to you, isn't it?" I said, "Yeah. Maybe. What's wrong?"

I got so engrossed in this concept, I started bringing it up in practically every conversation I had that night. I even got into a discussion with some German dude outside, smoking a cigarette. He said, "I am heterosexual man." But what? You're just attracted to a part? A piece of someone's body? All he could say is that he's straight, he's straight. Great. Obviously he thought this out.

I went back inside. "Marilyn" asked me to find her a male Dom. (Huh? Okay, yeah, I don't exactly exude masculinity- unless I'm doing a prison scene, heh) Will John beat her? No, I say, John is submissive (you're welcome, John). I tapped one of the Doms I know were there to hit someone, no matter what the sex, and watched him (very skillfully) flog her. It was a joy to watch. She squealed. Her dress flew up. He whipped her "pussy" and it looked like she was standing over a subway vent, a la her muse.

I watched her, thinking how brave she is, and how difficult it must be to feel like there are parts of your body you don't need or that feel alien to you. Although it begs an interesting contradiction- if "bits" don't matter, why do some people feel they have to change theirs? Why- to feel more like a woman, must one acquire (or lose) plumbing? Is it because they feel societal pressure to conform to one sex? Or is it the result of some genetic predisposition to want another sex? Why does it matter anyway? Why do people care about what certain people do to their bodies? Why is modifying one's sex so controversial? Because it's taboo? Well then, shouldn't that make it sexy? (according to Bataille- see a previous post with comments)

I find it ironic that many of us in the kinky community whine about being accepted, and how our sexuality is different, but no less valid than anyone else's, etc. But when someone from another alternative group shows up and wants to participate, we freak the fuck out. Or else, are not interested in deviating from our deviance. Is that not the same exact thing that we blame vanilla people of doing? Being prudish? Having a lack of imagination?



Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Mistress Veronica:

Fascinating post! It really is true that many who profess to be open minded shut down like a steel trap when they are confronted with something that pushes them beyond their comfort zone. But I wouldn't know about that because I'm *straight*! LOL! :-) I never kibble about that. I'm also very attached to my bits! :-p

Word verification=knockin' as in; "I won't be knockin' your kinks if you won't be knockin' mine!" ;-)

Mistress Veronica NYC said...

Yes, I feel like the scene is very hetero-normative. I love when drag queens, crossdressers, queers, and the like show up- it's a breath of fresh air.

advochasty said...

As usual, your writing delights, makes me laugh out loud, and provokes thought. Maybe defined identity (I bottom to femdom tops) provides an anchor in uncertain seas.

But I do love your inclusive approach rather than a splintered and Balkanized one.

Marilyn Monroe with a dick sounds kinda hot!

cantparticipate said...

Gosh you are just so amazing...

hoodman said...

Hmm pensive thoughts. i agree that people from alternative sexual communities often have friction with each other. i'm not sure why because in a way we are all judged by society in the same manner. Personally i find very passable MtFs quite hot if they still have their bits. Something about breasts and cock which is fascinating and probably why strap-ons are hot.

Still the judgment that the BDSM community can give to swingers, gay leather men, and transsexuals is ill-advised. Many of these people can offer various viewpoints that W/we as open-minded individuals should be able to accept.

slave7 said...

Hey were all about the plumbing. We spend years talking about it.

Mistress Veronica NYC said...


Thanks a lot. I really enjoy reading your blog as well- I think you know that. As someone who absolutely LOVES dick, I can understand the "plumbing" factor. However, I think that perhaps people make it more important than it needs to be. Or else, don't tend to experiment with such things- and I'm talking "scene" people.


The more I experiment, the less patience I have for people who are very sure of what they think they like. These people seem to be, in my experience, more likely to judge- which is very ironic.

Dave_M said...

Mistress Veronica,

I love this story. I have come to the realization that I don't find a little cock - as long as it is not attached to a conventional male, lol. Maybe it's because I have come to appreciate strap-on play a bit more these days.

If I was attracted to a woman(?), and we got down to it and there happened to be a surprise(!), I would just continue on...after all there would only be more options available. ;)

Mistress Veronica NYC said...

That's because you're a fffreak, Dave!!! Ha ha, just kidding. Good to see you the other night.