Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Will Max Fisch be rendered obsolete? And other stuff...

I recently joined Fetlife, which is a sort of Facebook for kinky people. It's a terrific resource for kinksters, as practically every fetish/kink is represented, and represented well. If you like to wear cat ears while licking flip-flops on a bridge at midnight, there is going to be someone else on there who will be able to relate to that. Some of the discussions that occur on there are really effing enlightened and engaged too. It is more neatly organized than Max as well, as you may join a group that is specific to your interests, and there seems to be very little "trolling" (but, the site is new, so just give it time)

One thing that I've found is really terrific is that people are really into wanting to explore the psychology behind various kinks, and to create a space that is very open for people to feel like they are not "sick" or weird. I don't know if it's going to change the world of psychology, but it is really reassuring to read articulate reasons why people like certain things, and to have it done in a supportive environment, free of judgment or stigma.

This is especially important for those of us that have fantasies or want to explore fantasies that others think MUST be related to some sort of abuse. This site does much to explore the possibility that the explanation is not that simple, but if in some cases it is, I say SO WHAT??

Telling someone they have "issues" because they like a certain thing that is unusually taboo is pretty much blaming them if any abuse did actually occur (whether the person is aware of it or not). But even if it didn't- why are you going to disparage someone for wanting to explore some fantasy that they have that doesn't hurt anyone? By not being open to it, you in effect help them to feel even more guilty or dirty, for allowing these feelings to come to light.

Some thoughts on this:

First of all, it takes an incredible amount of courage to even tell anyone what you like, even your closest companion.

Second of all, why would you disparage someone for finding the courage to tell you something they know you will find a bit disturbing, but perhaps weighs on their mind?

Thirdly, this fantasy and acting it out might actually help the person to heal if they were a victim, or it might actually provide some other sort of comfort that they otherwise would not get, or have not gotten. For instance, liking incest fantasies might be bourne out of someone needing that daddy/little girl dynamic in order to feel a very specific type of nurturance.

Fourthly, why would you not want to provide a service for someone you love who needs it? Why would you approach it from a position of judgment instead of understanding?

Not everyone is a victim of a certain act. Some people are victims of neglect, or lack of action. Why not experiment with what you need to, in order to deal with abuse/lack of attention/etc?

Questions, questions...

Well, I just think that Fetlife is really great. Everyone should join.


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