Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar...

God, I hate that song. It reminds me of Gloria Steinem, bra-burning 70's radical black or white philosophy that most men of a certain age associate with being a feminist. But it's a catchy title.

Anyway... I've been thinking about the reasons why some men have a desire to worship Dominant Women, and where this drive comes from. Is it genetic? Were these genetics influenced by some environmental circumstances?

If we presume that a desire to worship a Dominant Woman is genetic, there might be some sort of evolutionary reason for this. Meaning, most genetic traits are the result of an evolutionary trend- the result of a condition that existed for thousands of years (ex: evolutionary geneticists postulate that humans lost their hair in order to free themselves of external parasites that infest fur). My theory is similar to this in concept- that goddess worshipping cults (or religions where goddesses were an integral part of a greater pantheon) existed for tens of thousands of years before they were all but obliterated. What if this caused a evolutionary psychological "need", or "trend" which now can only manifest itself in the worship of Dominant Women? I'm saying that, if genetics can effect our physical outcomes, why wouldn't it also effect our psychology? To a certain extent, of course. It is analogous to scientists who claim to have found a "gay gene". Is it possible there may be a subby man gene?

I started thinking about these things because I want to know what exactly it is that men are "worshipping" when they come to see me. I would like to think that it is some sort of abstraction of the Divine Feminine that they see reflected in me. I hate all of the "star fucker" clients who need to go to a certain Domme because they feel she is "the best"- because that implies to me that they want the literal person, whom they could not possibly ever know (at least not from a blog or website). It also implies that they have a need to associate themselves with "the best", out of some sort of insecurity, like rooting for the best baseball team- a form of irrational jingoism (okay, maybe that's a bit extreme). But it ignores or de-emphasizes what it is about BDSM that is really important, which is honest, empathic connection.

Are "star fucking" and connection mutually exclusive?

Do you think that genetics play a factor in one's predisposition toward a need to submit to a Dominant Woman?

Does your brain hurt now? Lol!



Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Wow! Great post! I have thought about this quite a bit. I even put up a poll on my blog asking if subs felt their desire to submit was due to a "kinky gene", environmental factors or both. As usual responses were all over the map and polls on blogs or bulletin boards are not exactly scientific. I would love to see some more definitive study done on this subject.

I believe the desire to worship la femme is genetic in origin but is heavily influenced by environmental factors. I am not your traditional alpha male and never have been. I could care less about football for example. If all of the football players died tomorrow from a mysterious disease related to jock itch my heart would go out to their families but that would be about it. I also tend to check out a woman's feet and legs while my A type brethren seem to ogle their breasts. I can fake a pretty convincing A type personality (except when the conversation turns to sports) but I find it awfully tiring maintaining that facade after a while.

I had a Dommy Mommy. She was very successful in her academic career when that was pretty much unheard of. She was alternately very loving, emotionally distant and scary angry which sent me some very confusing mixed messages emotionally. She was also the one in the house who administered corporal punishment. (Dad never touched me. We were pals.) I think I longed for her attention which she often could not give me because she was busy getting her PHD and teaching college. Perhaps I came to feel that negative attention was better than no attention? Unfortunately she was scary angry and out of control for the beatings so I remember those as being pretty traumatic. I wonder if I didn't sexualize those later in life so I could reenact them and work through my feelings about them. I haven't been to a shrink to work any of this through but I have a pretty good idea something is there.

There is an interesting book called "Venus On Top" that talks about the Female Led Relationship movement and its connection to ancient Goddess worship rituals. It's a pretty interesting book and spawned a website called It's not specifically kinky but it does encourage women with subbie husbands to be supportive of their desire for alternative sexuality related to female domination.

This is such a fascinating topic! I could talk about it for hours! :-p



Mistress Veronica NYC said...

I knew I probably wasn't the first person to think of the Goddess worship connection! Rats. It's fun to conjecture about, but the one gaping hole in my (and their) argument, is the overwhelming predominance of hetero female submissives. There is certainly no lack of patriarchal symbols for them to worship, and yet most women who are kinky identify as being submissive.

Perhaps once a kinky gene or genes are discovered, then the variance or the composition of those genes will give us more of an idea of their origins. But for now all we can do is think about our circumstantial evidence and wonder. Which isn't so bad. A little mystery can be nice.

greasy paul said...

interesting topic though I cant say I still spend much of my time trying to figure it out. As a submissive, I used to think it had alot to do with making the dom the sole focus while also wishing for (i.e., in a abtract non-communicable way) the release of her power, (whatever this may mean.) I think displacement of identity may be going on...but also the pure fantasy of her actual power.

Yes, the right domme will have incredible power and will be incredibly irresistible in ways only the sub can feel; but she also remains an abstraction for the sub to some degree, one which cant actually be experienced simply because of the intensity of the sub's fantasy....

The sub idealizes the domme but the dommes is still hopelessly human, and too contingent an entity to remain an abstraction.

I dunno. thats what I used to think.

greg said...

interesting topic

I think it has to do with the male sex drive
The male needs to have sex to continue his line.. it is inside him..

It could manifest itself by being alpha and taking what you want which is traditional -- the man is aggressive or it could manifest itself by male being submissive--. they realize the woman knows her true power of the relationship- the male wants something so badly that they beg for it.

I hope I am not being sexist when I say these things

Mistress Veronica NYC said...

Greasy Paul,

Interesting choice of names... I feel like you are correct in saying there is an inherent paradox in the entire domme/sub interaction, which is both wonderful and frustrating at the same time. Perhaps that's why the dynamic is so enchanting- it's impossible to formulate in a phrase, making it essentially a moot point to ponder over. However, I find it infinitely fascinating. Maybe after I've thought about it long enough, it won't matter to me anymore either, lol! I have often wondered if there is not some identity displacement going on as well, especially amongst players who've had very strong-willed female figures in their past. Great point!


Your comment seems to me to be sexist against men, in the sense that you presume them to be powerless to their desires. I don't think you are implying that a woman's only power is in her sexuality- or at least, you'd better not be!

I also think that one should always try to avoid a discussion about what "true" nature is, as it's an impossible question to answer. I do agree with you, though, that there is a strong desire for submissive men to feel helpless- and for that helplessness to be motivated by a woman whom they admire.

greg said...

forgive me i don't mean to be sexist in any way

i was referring to some of the theories of where our the animal instinct that our sexuality developed from

in this theory - the male's desire is to spread their seed in as many females as possible to keep their line going

and for female it was to have a male that could provide and protect their offspring

(but i think evolution , social mores and medical advances have changed these animal instincts in humans.)

but if you look at this theory- then the male is actually powerless and the female has all the power.. because the male will try to spread their seed everywhere.. and the women knows this and uses her power to pick the best mate.

i hope i am making sense here Miss.. this is an incredible discussion by the way


slave2Catwoman said...

Most males feel vulnerable and weak in the face of female sexuality. Some of us learn to love it instead of fighting it.

Mistress Veronica NYC said...


I see your point, but my point is to ask why some men feel the need to submit to this power, and some do not. Not to debate what ancestral dynamics may have cultivated this power. The power, or else, the sub's perception of this power exists, that we know. But the drive to need the power held over them is what is interesting to me.


A good argument for the "nurture" side of the debate. Although I don't think object desire is a conscious decision for most people!

greg said...

I think the Power = Love

if the Domme has complete power of the male sub then the male sub knows that he is truly loved

(i think i am going to cry at my posting)

Mistress Veronica NYC said...



greg said...

Miss the problem with message threads is I don't know if you are being serious or sarcastic

i will go with serious..

thanks Miss :-) you made me feel better

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