Friday, January 8, 2010

Pleasure Pain vs. Comfort Pain

Not that they need to battle it out, or are necessarily independent of eachother, but the differences between these two BDSM outcomes I think become garbled in many people's minds. It is probably apparent intuitively, but to realize their difference I think is an epiphany, and can help one communicate better with one's dominant.

I define each type like this:

Pleasure: Sexual excitement or arousal resulting from pain

Comfort: Any positive, protective feeling one receives from taking punishment

As I said, I think the two can be experienced together, but the motivations are different.

It is interesting to think about what one's goals are when engaging in BDSM. You may have one goal in mind and get there repeatedly. You may have thought you had one goal, and then someone takes you on a completely different path, or elicits feelings or memories that you weren't aware existed.

This is an incomplete post, but I find this topic so fascinating that I had to write about it right away. Any thoughts or ideas are welcome.



greg said...

another interesting topic

well i think it takes two to tango Miss

so you have the intent of the Domme to consider also
what is her intention?
The Domme could be going for Pleasure Pain but the sub might feel Comfort Punishment by it. Or the Domme might intend Comfort Punishment and the sub might get Pleasure pain out of it.

It is extremely complex ideas Miss -- Both overlap each other and go so naturally hand in hand (hand in ass?) I think gargling is natural

One more thing Miss- does there always have to be a goal to bdsm? Can't it just be kinky fun?

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Mistress Veronica:

This is a fascinating post. I am not sure I experience sexual arousal as a direct result of pain although BDSM is the core of my sexuality. I just experience the pain and get lost in it. I am living completely in the moment and not very self aware during play. Do I get hard during a severe caning? I'm really not sure.

Certain kinds pain are *definitely* comforting to me though! That warm safe feeling I experience while being whipped by a woman I adore results in deep sexual, psychological and emotional fulfillment. It's all kind of wrapped up in one big ball of "yummy!" for me! ;-)

I had never thought of pain as being comforting before but for me that is definitely true! Thank you once again for your keen and perceptive insight! :-)



Mistress Veronica NYC said...


I believe that there is always a goal in most BDSM play, or else, people would just have sex instead. I like for the goal to just have fun sometimes. It does not always have to be deeply psychological and serious.

I am not asking in my post what a Domme's intention should be, as the questions are posed to submissives and/or masochists.


It is interesting to think about how pain deepens one's submission, and conversely, how it is for some people purely physical. It makes me wonder what sorts of traits on each side are typical, if any.

greg said...

thinking about it more Miss

I think comfort pain is what i enjoy because i feel
the goal of play to please the Domme - so any pain inflicted by the Domme is for her pleasure not mine.

Preston said...

Hi V; Funny, I just wrote about an allied situation on my blog and decided to check in on your page. For me it's pretty simple: I need to be truly enchanted with my play partner. "I'm so into you that I will do anything for you". That's my head when I am firmly entrenched in bottom space. Thing is, I'm not a micro-wave; I do need a warm up, and well, not everyone agrees. I look forward to your continued thoughts on this subject.

hoodman said...

Pleasure pain, well i definitely figured out i was a masochist 2 years ago and thoroughly enjoy pleasure through pain.

Comfort pain, hmm i think for me when i'm not always aroused by pain i take comfort in knowing i'm making a Lady happy. Someone told me of the smile on a Mistress's face who was beating me while i had a blindfold and it made me feel comfort.

The pain can be pleasurable sure, but taking comfort in knowing You're helping someone has always been a huge plus for me.

mosthandysub said...

A very interesting topic, indeed.

While the focus on "pain" is certainly very interesting, I have to agree with greg that the topic is very complex. I think greg is right to highlight the motivation of both the Domme and sub.

One specific motivation of the sub is to have the "attention" of the Domme. A sub is quite willing to accept a painful caning because of the "attention" he is receiving from the Domme. (Of course, by definition, a masochist will derive sexual pleasure from the pain).

For myself, I guess there are certain KINDS of pain that elicit more "sexual pleasure" than others, while ANY kind of pain administered by my Domme will feel comforting because of the attention. For example, CBT and NT (perhaps because they are sexual organs) will certainly sexually excite me. However, I don't find much sexual excitement (i.e. I don't get hard) when being caned or flogged. Going into subspace while being caned or flogged is certainly comforting.

I hope this makes some sense.

slave7 said...

Pleasure pain is pain you connect with arrousal. Maybe you were slapped the first time you made love, myabe sex hurt a certain way. Your body subconsiously makes the connection. Comfort pain is that sort of numbness after exertion. Its exhaustion. In yoga its called shavastna.

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