Thursday, June 24, 2010

You Can't Yell, "Yell!" In Karate...

I was devastated yesterday in karate, when one of my teachers told me that "Kia!" actually means, "Yell!".  He was like, "You can't yell 'yell' when you go to competition, the judges will laugh at you."  So I said, "But I like yelling Kia!"

"You really shouldn't do it," he looked at me.

"But, won't some of them find it ironically hilarious?"

"Nomatter how good your kata is, they will think you don't know what you're saying."

"So then...  what should I say?" I said.

"Try to make it more gutteral, from your diaphragm.  Like, Soueoueouw!"  It was like a constipated Conan the Barbarian.

"Soueooaaaioow!  That does not sound right!"  (I commence all manner of vowels jammed together to make my own scary noise while flexing my muscles in the mirror, to no avail.)

Funny, I don't usually have much trouble finding expletives.



advochasty said...

How about "Yo, chinpo! I'm gonna butsu korosu!"

Then bow and kick ass.

Mistress Veronica NYC said...

Hahahaha! That's hilarious. Someone suggested I find the Chinese word for vagina, but there are sooo many choices!

From Wikipedia:


There appears to be more words for vagina, which are more commonly used as insults than the ones for penis. These words are also more aggressive, and have negative connotations:

* bī (屄, 逼, 比, IM: B) = cunt
* èrbī (二屄) = fuck-up (lit. "double vagina"; general insult)
* shǎbī (傻屄) = stupid person (lit. "stupid cunt") IM: SB
* sāobī (simplified Chinese: 骚屄; traditional Chinese: 騷屄) = bitch (lit. "lewd cunt")
* chòubī (臭屄) = stinking cunt
* lànbī (simplified Chinese: 烂屄; traditional Chinese: 爛屄) = rotten cunt
* yīndào (simplified Chinese: 阴道; traditional Chinese: 陰道) = vagina (scientific)
* yīnhù (simplified Chinese: 阴户; traditional Chinese: 陰戶) = vulva (scientific)
* táohuāyuán (桃花源) = vagina (lit. "the source of peach blossom")
* zhuāngbī (simplified Chinese: 装屄; traditional Chinese: 裝) = poser (lit. "pretending to be the cunt")
* dà yí mā (大姨妈) = Literally "The Eldest Aunt", a popular mainland contemporary term which refers to menstruation.[1][2]

hoodman said...

You do karate?!?! i miss it soooo much, You just keep getting more and more interesting.
Still this is funny and i can see it now

Anonymous said...

My own martial art styling involves screaming like a twelve year old girl while running away. For further effectivness I wave my hands about in the air, and wet myself.

Mad skills such as these are difficult to master.

There are those who claim that yelling "penis" in a falsetto voice while giggling maniacally will strike the fear of God into the heart of any bandit or ruffian who would dare walk the streets of our fair city. This knowledge has been promulgated by ememinent fighting men like William Ewart Fairbairn, inventor of the Fairbairn Sykes fighting knife, as well as several members of the United States Marine Corps. It must be admitted that yelling "penis" is a bit odd, but when you start giggling like a little girl the intimidation which is felt is immediatly evident.

Keep in mind though that willfully intimidating a person is classed as a misdemeanor.

Pat (one of your anonymice)

Ms Servalan said...

in the martial art I trained in our generic Kia was "ous" a guttural, explosive sound. A couple of my team mates said something like "Tzaa"

when I fenced sabre we used a sound like "oopPAA"

I'll have to do them live for you next time I'm in town ;)

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