Friday, July 11, 2008

Kink is the new Gay

A slave made an observation to me that smokers are the last group of people that is still discriminated against. I was like, "Um... what do you think your boss would say if he watched you hanging upside down while two girls with boxing gloves punched your balls?" He was like, "Uhhh...."

Yeah, that's what I thought.

(This is one of my favorite rants, by the way)

We are all so imprisoned by shame over what we like, that it reminds me of where the gay rights movement was in like, 1990. No wait, scratch that- more like circa 1960 because we don't even have a movement. Or else, it is a small collection of people who conspire in basements, talking about which protest they should join that week. Who no one knows about. Do you know about them? No. Exactly. They advocate for your sexual freedom, but you still have no idea who they are. Cool. Not like you should. They are a community of fairly insular people who do this work in their spare time.

Since most people keep their kinkiness fairly discrete and out of their 'vanilla lives', there is no incentive to speak out. Perhaps not until the cops start raiding clubs or trying to shut them down, a la "Stonewall". Still, I feel this must be horribly isolating.

I'm not talking about wearing a pin saying how kinky you are, although the gay rights movement took that approach, I am just saying that it would be nice if people could be more open with their partners- even though that would probably put me out of a job, lol.

How many of you wish you could be completely open about your sexual preferences? Are you open with your significant other? Why? Why not? Is it an important topic for you, or do you prefer to keep your kinks discrete? Do you feel like if you came out to your partner, that they would find you depraved or maybe even sick?

I contend that the repression of these desires (ones which are paraphilic, but in essence, not hurtful toward another party) is psychically detrimental. Acting on these desires, one experiences a sense of catharsis similar to what one gets from going to a good psychologist. I hate to use the word, "therapy", but there are many similarities. In a good session, where one may "be themselves", the subject acts out scenes, or experiences pain which a part of them desires. It is the same principle behind art therapy, or Jungian hypnosis- to let your inexplicable feelings, thoughts, etc express themselves openly in a safe environment. There is a sense of freedom that comes from this, perhaps because there is something in your mind telling you that you must do this in order to heal. Not saying that kinkiness is the result of some childhood trauma. Perhaps it is a reaction to the trauma some people experience on a daily basis, the reasons behind it may be myriad. However, speaking from experience, there is a healing aspect to it, which I think is largely ignored or denied inside and outside of the community.

Would your partner want to deprive you of going to your therapist? Is it that simple? No. But neither is feeling that there is something wrong with you.

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