Monday, September 15, 2008

Can't We All Just Be Friends?

Okay, can't we all just sit down, gather around in a circle and hold hands? Obviously, sometimes, relationships between Dommes and clients can be uneasy. Especially with the legal climate as it is in NY- if you are courting a new Domme, her first thought is going to be, "Is this person a cop?". We may ask you a bunch of questions, and even for references. Please understand that it is only to protect ourselves. But, beyond that, as Domme/client relationships develop over time, there may be broken hearts, disappointed expectations, and a general derision toward the whole interaction.

That said, I would just like to say that clients are people too, and a lot of the time, Dommes do not acknowledge that. Does it go so far that all we see are dollar signs when we look at you? No. But, especially when you are a Domme who has worked in a house, you notice a culture of "other" exists such that clients as a whole are seen as being untrustworthy. This attitude is a defense mechanism devised to categorize you, and to a certain extent, make themselves feel less vulnerable. It's a dirty little secret that no one wants to talk about, but frankly, it exists in many service industries. It has developed probably because of a combination of factors, both on the client's part, and our own. It's too bad, but unfortunately the nature of such random interaction. Maybe this is betraying my own, but I believe it exists in no small part because some Dommes let themselves do things that they are not wholly comfortable with. This is NOT the client's fault. How are you supposed to know that someone doesn't like foot worship if they told you ahead of time that they do? Some women are in this business purely for the dollah dollah billz, and not because they love toe kissing. This creates a sharp contrast between their personal lives and their Domme life, and a lot of people have a hard time reconciling this dichotomy. I am an armchair psychologist, but some residual resentment toward "clients" as a group may occur. Again, this is NOT a client's fault, but merely a missing piece of an understanding of the unsolicited tension.

Some behavior that creates completely solicited tension are: calling me up drunk in the middle of the night, calling me 20+ times a day, not showing up or calling when you can't make an appointment (is my time less important than yours?), or offering a domme money to perform "extras"- therefore putting the person (who might not be financially stable) in a difficult spot. If you think it's okay to put someone in that position when you have not negotiated for it ahead of time, you are an asshole. Now, I am not someone who gets their panties all in a twist when asked to perform escort-related activities. I know some people throw a shit-fit when approached like that, and that is their prerogative. However, assuming that someone can be bought is fucked up.

All this aside, it is up to everyone to be fully responsible for themselves and their actions. We're all adults, aren't we?

The reason why I brought all of this up, is because I'm pretty tired of all the "US" vs. "them" attitude out there amongst Dommes. It's too simplistic, it's too generalized, and it's wrong. I am currently dating someone who was a client, and he has turned out to be one of the most delightfully charming people I've ever been with. Many Dommes are shocked that I would do this, but I don't feel that I am any more at risk than with any other relationship. I also feel like it is hypocritical in the sense that their boyfriends have probably all been "clients" in one sense or another. Whether at a strip club, a massage parlor, or where ever else.

Koom bi ya, mi lord...

I will also say for the record, if you see a client (who was respectful) outside of the dungeon atmosphere, and you automatically feel threatened or uncomfortable, then maybe you are in the wrong business.

Off Topic:

Booming sound systems in cars are:


hurt my ears

always playing the exact music that no one who is subjected to it wants to hear

supposedly an indication that you are a thug, but, if you were a real gangsta, wouldn't you want to keep a low profile so that the whole world can't hear when you're rollin in yo 4.0?


P.S. Anyone who subscribes, I'm sorry for the million and a half email alerts you might get, but I gotta edit this shit on my own! And I constantly find little things to improve.

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